Why Can't I Find a Bosom Friend?

Mom, when am I ever going to find a bosom friend like Anne Shirley? A real kindred spirit?"

 

"Are you watching Anne again, Kim? And reading those Baby Sitter Club books? That's not the way the world works, Kim. God and your family will always be your best friend. You've gotta quit putting your trust in man."

 

This was one of many conversations my mom started having with me when I turned ten. You know, the fourth grade years; the years where drama seems to follow you for the rest of your life ; ) But I was so badly looking for someone that I could connect with, like in my books. And it would take years and years of trials to finally realize that a "bosom friend" doesn't exist.

 

Fast forward 18 years later and the same conversation pops up between my mother and me while she was cutting my hair.

 

"I told God that I just want one person that I can call a "real" friend. I'm tired of these fake friendships. I don't have time for them. And I trusted Him enough to wait patiently for a good friend. I mean, it really hurt Mom. I know it shouldn't, since I'm two years shy of 30, but it did."

 

I was speaking of some women who had planned a play date together in front of me and chose not to include me. Why is it that at the age of 28 this crap is still going on? You would think I would be wiser and stronger. But here I was analyzing myself and what I possibly could have done wrong. Did I talk to much? Did I not ask them enough questions about themselves? Is it the fact that I'm the "Molly Brown" of Richmond? Oh the list could go on and on and on.

 

But the truth of the matter is that I did absolutely nothing wrong. I listened well enough-used my counseling skills quite well. I asked them the proper questions and steered clear of anything that could be politically incorrect. I chose to pronounce the "i" in right, so as to sound like them. But I couldn't quite shake the "Molly Brown" effect I had. I speak bluntly and often passionately. I like to talk about deeper topics which makes me sound emotionally older than what I am.

 

"Well of course it hurt you," my mom replied as she snipped the back of my hair. But you have a family now and they are the most important people you will ever have in your life. The reason those relationships aren't working out is because He has something else planned for you. He may have a friend out there for you, that's...not your first pick. But He knows what you need better than you do."

 

Mom told me the story of Elijah fleeing to Sinai because he felt like he was the only one left.

 

When Ahab got home, he told Jezebel everything Elijah had done, including the way he had killed all the prophets of Baal. So Jezebel sent this message to Elijah: "May the gods strike me and even kill me if by this time tomorrow I have not killed you just as you killed them."

Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there.Then he went on alone into the wilderness, traveling all day. He sat down under a solitary broom tree and prayed that he might die. "I have had enough, LORD," he said. "Take my life, for I am no better than my ancestors who have already died."Then he lay down and slept under the broom tree. But as he was sleeping, an angel touched him and told him, "Get up and eat!" He looked around and there beside his head was some bread baked on hot stones and a jar of water! So he ate and drank and lay down again.
Then the angel of the LORD came again and touched him and said, "Get up and eat some more, or the journey ahead will be too much for you."
So he got up and ate and drank, and the food gave him enough strength to travel forty days and forty nights to Mount Sinai,* the mountain of God. There he came to a cave, where he spent the night.
But the LORD said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" Elijah replied, "I have zealously served the LORD God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too."

"Go out and stand before me on the mountain," the LORD told him. And as Elijah stood there, the LORD passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.

 

And a voice said, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
He replied again, "I have zealously served the LORD God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too."
Then the LORD told him, "Go back the same way you came, and travel to the wilderness of Damascus. When you arrive there, anoint Hazael to be king of Aram.Then anoint Jehu grandson of Nimshi* to be king of Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from the town of Abel-meholah to replace you as my prophet.

 

The point of the story was not to focus on Elijah feeling alone but to focus on God revealing himself to Elijah in the most gentle way and in the most unlikely place. The people in our lives that God wants us to serve and minister to are not always the people we might pick or be our first choice. And God chooses to allow us to experience periods of aloneness in order to drawl us closer to Him.

 

For myself, I have found that I am growing tired of searching for this bosom friend. Tired of asking others questions about themselves and never getting asked back. Tired of leaving my kids behind to go to another makeup/jewelry party in order to "buy" a friend. And tired of blaming myself. I am putting down the books of my youth and wholeheartedly searching out a more deeper and personal relationship with my Father. I am weary of trying to figure out how to improve my "Molly Brown" self and feel that it's time for us as women and mothers to stop this nonsense.

 

Think about it. If Baby Girl looks at me and sees that I'm STILL trying to fit in with others ,what will she do? Exactly the same thing! I want her to realize that the strongest friendship she will ever have, will be with her family and her God. If she can allow God to work in her, then she will be a GENTLE BLESSING to the most unlikely and most deserving people out there...