A Momma’s Muse: I'd Do It All Again and Again

Well, I'm FINALLY back at it. It's been three months adjusting to our third child and I finally found a chance to just sit and write. I figure, you get one month break per child, so three months seemed fitting for three kids. "Shoo," as I wipe the sweat from my brow. It has been an intense three months, a joyous three months, a complete whirlwind. The laundry has increased dramatically, The Hubs and I are doing all the housecleaning, we have become a two can green bean family now and I am pumping four times a day. On top of that, I feel incredibly guilty if I don't try and get all these kids outside at least three times a week, so we keep the roads hot. Oh-and more on that guilt thing. Sometimes, I feel incredibly guilty towards my children. I just can't seem to find enough time to hug them all and snuggle up on the couch with them. So because of that, The Hubs and I have decided that three kids is our limit...not for our own sanity but for the attention they need to be getting from us. I know it's different for each family but for The Hubs and I, we feel complete with where we are.

There is never a dull moment here. Just the other day, Baby Girl (who is my Big Girl now) told me she found a way to create more toothpaste. Little did I know, she put hand soap in the toothpaste tube. But we sure found out later,when Baby Boy started foaming at the mouth!

Baby Girl has really stepped up to the plate. I don't know what I would have done without her. In the morning, while I'm pumping, I hear her little feet come down the stairs. I've already laid out her breakfast for her and she usually is already fully dressed. Then Baby Boy wakes up and she walks back up the stairs to open his door. I'm still pumping (it takes 40 minutes in the morning). Baby Boy comes downstairs and he too eats his breakfast at the table. When I'm finally done pumping Tiny wakes up and I feed her...or Baby Girl asks to feed her. So that's when I take this free moment to do a load of dishes and change Baby Boy's diaper. But enough about that, it's exhausting to write and I'm sure it's exhausting for you to read!

Baby Boy is adjusting semi-well. It's hard being a boy and almost two. I told someone the other day, "All he wants to do is wholler her," and they just stared at me. I quickly realized my southern slang wasn't being translated correctly. Basically, he's a bull in a china shop and Tiny is the china doll. And ohhhh he just wants to smush her and climb on top of her. He is learning to tame his Wild Man Syndrome (haha) and be gentle. Sometimes, he'll take his hand and try his best to pet her while saying, "Genn-nul, genn-nul." It's so cute. Having a new baby means he's no longer the baby but he still acts like it-which I absolutely love. Usually in the morning, he drags his Spiderman fleece blanket over and wants to sit beside me. So I put my arm around him and feed Tiny with the other hand. Do you see how my heart strings are pulling here? I just want to give them all the love and

attention they deserve but I only have two hands. I just do the best I can.

And now to introduce our newest addition...Tiny Blessing. She made her way into the world on December 8, 2014 at 3:04 PM weighing in at 7 lb. 11 oz and 20 inches long. I want to fully write her birth story later but need to express what a true miracle she is. My labor was hard (not by choice-the epidural didn't work until 9.5 cm) but completely fulfilling for my last pregnancy. As weird as that sounds, I need to process that further before trying to explain how labor can be fulfilling. But I can just tell you that I was searching for God with all my might during the transition stage. The pain was just so mind blowing that I had a hard time finding a prayer worth praying. I would just say, "Oh God, help me." And when she finally arrived, I was completely speechless. My Tiny Blessing had what the doctor called a, "true knot" in her cord. I was shocked to realize she could have been a stillbirth. I was so thankful for the high blood pressure I had had during the pregnancy because if she had stayed inside me any longer, the knot could have tightened. She could have not been here.

Sometimes, I just can't stop staring at her. She brings me so much joy. It's like she and I are connected on some kind of deeper level. I'm really not trying to be dramatic here but that's how I feel. She'll smile at me and it's like I know exactly what she's thinking. And when I talk to her, she looks right in my eyes as if she can fully comprehend everything I'm saying. I am just so so thankful she is here. From the very moment we found out we were going to be blessed with our Tiny surprise to the moment when they laid her on my chest, I felt complete love for this child.