A Crescent Roll in Yoga Pants

"Leave all your plans for the day behind. Take this moment to dedicate your practice to someone."

I looked down at my criss cross applesauce legs and wondered who I would be thinking about today. There were so many people on my mind but it was hard to think about anything besides the fear of those planks again. This was only my second time trying Yoga Power and I felt nervous. Ugh those planks...lets just say I finally realized how terribly worn out my abs had become since having three kids.

"Baby Girl," I said in my head. A lot had been happening with her lately, a lot of growing up and asking tons of questions. She'd been asking so many questions that I've made up a question quota for her. 

"Sorry girl, but you can only ask 10 questions per hour." 

Call me harsh or mean for not answering her every question but one can only

answer, "Are we there yet?" so many times before exploding.

So I decided today I would focus on her as I started the Yoga class. The instructor had turned off the lights and some willowy tree music began playing. Okay, now I could get into my zen...is that what they call it?

"Start by stretching your arms up into the air."

Everyone around me followed his instruction, so I did too. I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw a beautifully shapened woman to my left gracefully   moving her arms up and down. She looked like a peaceful swan. Then I noticed myself in the mirror. I looked liked a medium sized crescent roll stuffed into yoga pants. If a strong wind blew you might have been able to see my triceps wave hello to you. 

As if he noticed me, the instructor said, " Try not to focus on anyone or even yourself. Focus only on your practice."

"Oh yeah, that's right. Focus on Baby Girl." We were now embarking on those dreaded planks, and since all my focus was on my abs I recalled a conversation I'd had with her in a restaurant bathroom.

"Mom, why is your belly so big?"

"Izzy that's not nice!"

"What? I didn't say your belly was flat."

Her question was completely innocent. She had no idea she had hurt me. But that double whammy statement about my not so flat stomach really hit me.

"Well when you say things like that, it really hurts mommy. My stomach is like that because God let me have babies in my belly. God gave me three blessings, Izzy...and one of those is you."

I heard the toilet paper holder do a loud roll and knew someone was in the stall next to us. They had heard everything. I was trying to remain unphased by her comment but I think I was having a hard time keeping my poker face on.

We walked out of the stall and started washing our hands. The lady next door came out too and started washing hers. 

"I guess you heard it all, didn't you?" I chuckled to her.

"Yes, sometimes they are so honest."

 

"Odd response," I thought in my head.

She could have at least said I looked like a life size Barbie Doll. Gahh. (Notice my sarcasm in uncomfortable situations).

I looked at myself in the mirror and knew I had a choice.I could either choose to cry like a baby or remind myself what my body created three times! I could whine and cry that I've got a mom bod or show strength and acceptance for this body, He gave me. I could keep going on and on to Baby Girl about how she hurt me. Or I could choose to drop it and let her be left with the thought that,"Mom is happy with herself."

To me that's so much more important...to teach my child that acceptance for who she is can be much more valuable than her physical appearance.

My mind came back to reality as I tried to shove my butt up into the air for a shoulder stand. I felt

like a kid again, doing this crazy pose. Some of the ladies  behind me were snickering because they kept falling over. "You know, this Yoga thing is kind of fun but definitely not easy," I thought. I was proud of what I could accomplish in only two classes and  made my mind up to come back.

As I placed my hands in a prayer like position infront of my heart, I quietly whispered, "Namaste," meaning "The spirit within me salutes the spirit in you."

 

 

"May the spirit of our daughters grow to love and appreciate the spirit in their mothers."