To Be Fly As A Mother

"When is your race, mom?"

"This Saturday," I said as I sipped my morning cup of coffee.

"Ohhhh," my gorgeous almost five year old said.

It occurred to me at this point, that the idea of her momma running in a race had made a strong impression on her. This was the second time in 24 hours she had asked me! I thought about how this past Monday, I had a very unsuccessful training day and mentally I had felt defeated...like I could NEVER run the six mile race. After returning home, I caught a glimpse of my less than tight stomach in the mirror and felt depleted and defeated. "Some things will never change," I told myself. I had desperately pleaded on Facebook for advice on how to conquer the run. I had called my husband, who is also running in the race and asked him how his training went that day. I had high hopes that his Monday had sucked too. Buttttt, it didn't. He said,"I had a great run! I ran six miles and feel ready."

"Humph," I thought. But bit my tongue and said how happy I was for him. 

"How was your run?" he said. And with his inviting question, I let it fly.

"My run sucked! I don't know how I'm gonna do six miles. I can only run four. Im gonna have to walk and everyone's gonna see me," I said in my whiniest voice ever visualizing a cow crossing the finish line.

He proceeded to give me uplifting advice, saying all the sweet things I needed to hear. He reassured me that lots of people would be walking and reminded me that this was my very first race. "Go easy on yourself Kim."

So two days later, I made up my mind that I was gonna run/walk six miles at the gym and I didn't care how long it took me. I think mentally I needed to know that I wouldn't be crawling across the finish line. I dropped all three kids off at child watch, left my gym bag in the locker room (because I knew I'd need a shower for sure!) and marched my 31 year old self over to the elliptical. I did two miles on the elliptical feeling all my muscles burn. And then walked over to the treadmill to finish up. I made a goal that I would run five minutes and walk two. Something simple that I could handle. I had my music pumping for motivation and made sure to breathe deep and relax my hands. 

Daya's Hide Away song came on and although the song isn't about a mom at all, she sang really cool lyrics that made my ears perk up.

"To be a fly as a mother."

 

 

And my early morning conversation with my daughter came to mind. She was counting on me to finish that race. 

She looks to me for guidance in every aspect of her life, so why should running be any different? To Baby Girl, her mom is cool. Her mom is fly. Her mom is going to throw all her insecurities to the wind and run in a real live race. My motivation for running changed. No longer was it for me, but her.  Maybe Baby Girl watching me choose to be healthy and positive would help her learn the importance of loving herself, challenging herself mentally and physically and being comfortable in her own skin.

In today's society, women are flooded with images of the "perfect body," especially moms. We see pictures all over the internet and tv of what we "should" look like but in reality most of these images are of people who have never birthed a child. If we were to start a movement of actual moms working out, I'm sure the images would change. Women come in all shapes and sizes and everyone should be thought of as beautiful!

I was nearing the end of my run, feeling the burn in my legs, my abs tightening and reminded myself to keep my breathing at a steady deep pace. I wished I could have taken a selfie of my heart because it surely was the bomb.  

Though, I will never post a picture of my body because in a sense that's body shaming and my girls deserve better than that. The truth we should be posting is,"I love myself at all sizes. My body can do incredible things." I want my girls feeling beautiful in their skin. I want my girls feeling like they can run a race if they want. I want my girls understanding the importance of pushing yourself physically and the health benefits of that. I don't want them feeling defeated when they look in a mirror, I want them feeling powerful!

The last five minutes came and I decided to push myself further cranking up the treadmill speed. I felt like I was flying. 5,4,3,2,1, done!!!

5.5 miles down! Woohoo!!!! I never thought I could achieve that. On Saturday, I'll be running in the real live race and I can't wait to come home and show my daughter my 10k participation medal. I'm sure she will think her mom is simply the best:)

I switched to praise music because my God surely needed to be praised for helping me physically and mentally. I rested my hands on the treadmill palms up toward heaven and quietly listened to these lyrics.

"I am not alone. I am not alone. You will go before me, You will never leave me."

 

 

And just like that the Holy Spirit invaded my heart with this verse,"I will praise you for  I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14a

I encourage all mothers to embrace this stage of life. Being a woman is a beautiful thing. Let's empower ourselves to be better than what society tells us we should look like, by being confident. Living in the moment and loving ourselves is more important than what anyone else might think of you. Be healthy, be powerful, be positive.