I suppose I had high expectations for myself when it came to giving up nagging for a whole week. A few days after I created my "no nagging" rule, I was talking on the phone with my MML. MML is the nickname my grandmother has had since we began college. You have to understand that MML is unlike most grandmothers because as soon as we hit college, she was instant messaging us (you know back in the day when AIM was cool). And then when Facebook was invented she got herself an account and yes, she even has SKYPE now. So the code nickname fits her personality quite well.
"So how's it going with your no nagging policy?" she asked.
"Oh, mamow. Not so good. I don't know what I was thinking about making it a whole week!"
She laughed at my response and told me in a kind of sing song voice, "Kiiiiimmmmm, I could have told you that would have been really hard to do." Sometimes she is so honest it cracks me up.
"Yeah, I should have said three days," I said jokingly.
"No. You should have said three hours," MML said with a chuckle.
We started laughing together and I explained that it was harder than I thought it would be and honestly...I hadn't even made it a few days. But after a great convo with her, I decided that I was gonna try one more time : ) And I made it for...3 days. Hey! It's better than nothing, right?
Since the one week has passed, I actually started making it a habit. And yes, it has done wonders for our relationship. I think the most surprising changes have been that we started LAUGHING with each other again. Our relationship became more PLAYFUL. I had missed that so much. It brought back good memories of dating in high school and then college. Things were starting to feel a lot easier.
Another positive affect on our relationship was that it became less stressful and The Hubs was trying to get off work at a more decent time. This really helped me not to be such a terrible nag. So the biggest change I noticed in him was that he was happier and tried to come home earlier. The biggest change in me was a humbling feeling given by God. After not being able to make it three days, I realized how much I had been nagging (I'm cringing as I write this). And...I realized how hard it would be to live with someone who nags so much. The very idea that our relationship became easier and more playful, was a huge indicator to me that I wanted to make this more of a permanent change.
Some days are harder than others and I haven't made it at all for one whole week. My biggest problem is trying to figure out how to get my point across without nagging. I mean, when I talked to some people about this, their idea of "no nagging" was no talking about your concerns at all. But in a good marriage, communication is key. I can't live my life being a door mat and never saying when something bothers me. But my husband can't live his life if I'm always complaining about something. So my question is, "How do I find the perfect balance?
The bottom line here is that I love my husband more than anything else in this world. We started out as best friends, we are best friends now, and I want to end as best friends. Marriage is a cycle of Love and Respect. And I can't quit giving love and respect, just because I think he's not loving or respecting me. Real love is continuing to be kind even when you feel they don't deserve it. Check out these two Bible Verses...
Perfect again Kim!!! This totally hit me hard because I am being a nagger and it is causing a lot of stress!! Thank you so much for this. I will be praying that your no nagging policy keeps working. Prayers for me to begin my no nagging policy would be great :)
ReplyDeleteChristi Southworth
I'll be praying for you Christi! It's so hard : )
DeleteLOVE this! I think this is something everyone struggles with...I know I do! One thing that has helped us is to use humor and/or turn things into a game. I get so sick of nagging (and my hubby sure gets sick of me doing it). So...every time he leaves the toilet seat up, I get a minute massage. Instead of me getting angry and getting on his case I get something out of it! I can get a good 10 minutes in a week :) Keep up the good work friend!
ReplyDeleteHahha! I love that! I am gonna have to try that massage thing. Great Advice!
DeleteKim,
ReplyDeleteWhy do I cry everytime I read your blog....I think it's cause it hits so home to me. Even though you and Dale are different from Zach and me in so many ways I totally relate to your relationship. Zach and I feel like our love is so similar to yours and Dale's and I think that's why I can totally relate to your blogs and struggles. I read them and I feel like I am prepared for my marriage or atleast able to make my marriage better through problems you and Dale have already encountered that Zach and I are encountering now. I nag so much and I totally hate it. It puts so much stress on our relationship but I also can't just not express what's wrong with things (that's totally not me). If you find the good way to discuss problems without nagging I would totally like to know! I love reading your blogs they make me want to be a more Godly woman and wife! Don't stop Writing!
Amelia Taylor
Oh No! I hate that I make you cry when you read my blogs. Hahah! But I can relate to you as well. You and Zach seem like best friends and that's what I think is one of the number one foundation points in any good marriage. I will keep you posted if I come up with any techniques for not nagging. Right now-the only thing thats working for me is to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I can spew such word vomit! I'm trying to be more like Mary (Jesus's mother). The Bible says that she pondered things in her heart. So I'm trying to shut my mouth and think about what I'm gonna say before I say it. I say "trying" because right now I'm not really succeeding. But it's getting better. Thanks for the compliment on my blog. I can't express to you how uncomfortable it is for me to write what's on my heart. But I truly feel like this is what God wants me to do. Love ya!
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