You will have THAT kid.

I am dissapointed today. Not because of anything anyone has done but because of what I have done. You know that moment when you say,"Oh that will never be MY kid!" 

I think they call it judging? Judging others to make yourself feel better about your own situation and to bring silent praise to yourself. Well that's why I'm sad-disappointed really, in myself. 

Recently I was involved in a situation where I got the devastating news that 1) I wasn't raising perfect children and 2) What! You mean, there isn't such a thing as a perfect mother?

At first, I experienced anger that the situation had occurred. And then disappointment at the realization that I thought I was somehow a different mother than other mothers were to their kids. But when reality set in that I had made the same judgements about other mothers, I felt shame for thinking that way. 

"Shame shame on me for silently praising myself. Shame shame on me for thinking I was gonna be the first to raise perfect kids. I was really just like them. "

And you know what I discovered about the "just like them" part?

Us moms, we're all the same. Just trying to get through the day. Just trying to make the best decision for our kids. Our one common goal: to raise healthy civil human beings, that when thrown into society will eventually be able to make it on their own. Easy, you immediately think. But really, one of the hardest jobs around.

So...to moms of one kid, to moms of two kids, to moms of three or more kids, and especially to future moms...

"You will have THAT kid."

 You may have one that surprises you with their ugly behavior toward a friend. You may have one who is beyond disrespectful to you. You may have one that won't talk for years, you may have one that lets a cuss word slip, you may have one that has poor health, you may have one that won't pee on a potty for the life of them, you may have one that throws a tantrum in the floor of the most crowded store around, you may have one that refuses to eat everything-including macaroni and cheese, you may have one that sends you to the E.R. every year and you may have one that runs away from home. Just face it! There are no perfect kids!

So next time you start to judge another mother or think better of yourself, just STOP. Stop and think, help that mother out, offer her supportive words. That's what she needs more than your disdainful stare. Think of us as all on the same team, just trying not to strike out in this intense game of motherhood.

“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye."

Matthew 7:3-5

A Crescent Roll in Yoga Pants

"Leave all your plans for the day behind. Take this moment to dedicate your practice to someone."

I looked down at my criss cross applesauce legs and wondered who I would be thinking about today. There were so many people on my mind but it was hard to think about anything besides the fear of those planks again. This was only my second time trying Yoga Power and I felt nervous. Ugh those planks...lets just say I finally realized how terribly worn out my abs had become since having three kids.

"Baby Girl," I said in my head. A lot had been happening with her lately, a lot of growing up and asking tons of questions. She'd been asking so many questions that I've made up a question quota for her. 

"Sorry girl, but you can only ask 10 questions per hour." 

Call me harsh or mean for not answering her every question but one can only

answer, "Are we there yet?" so many times before exploding.

So I decided today I would focus on her as I started the Yoga class. The instructor had turned off the lights and some willowy tree music began playing. Okay, now I could get into my zen...is that what they call it?

"Start by stretching your arms up into the air."

Everyone around me followed his instruction, so I did too. I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw a beautifully shapened woman to my left gracefully   moving her arms up and down. She looked like a peaceful swan. Then I noticed myself in the mirror. I looked liked a medium sized crescent roll stuffed into yoga pants. If a strong wind blew you might have been able to see my triceps wave hello to you. 

As if he noticed me, the instructor said, " Try not to focus on anyone or even yourself. Focus only on your practice."

"Oh yeah, that's right. Focus on Baby Girl." We were now embarking on those dreaded planks, and since all my focus was on my abs I recalled a conversation I'd had with her in a restaurant bathroom.

"Mom, why is your belly so big?"

"Izzy that's not nice!"

"What? I didn't say your belly was flat."

Her question was completely innocent. She had no idea she had hurt me. But that double whammy statement about my not so flat stomach really hit me.

"Well when you say things like that, it really hurts mommy. My stomach is like that because God let me have babies in my belly. God gave me three blessings, Izzy...and one of those is you."

I heard the toilet paper holder do a loud roll and knew someone was in the stall next to us. They had heard everything. I was trying to remain unphased by her comment but I think I was having a hard time keeping my poker face on.

We walked out of the stall and started washing our hands. The lady next door came out too and started washing hers. 

"I guess you heard it all, didn't you?" I chuckled to her.

"Yes, sometimes they are so honest."

 

"Odd response," I thought in my head.

She could have at least said I looked like a life size Barbie Doll. Gahh. (Notice my sarcasm in uncomfortable situations).

I looked at myself in the mirror and knew I had a choice.I could either choose to cry like a baby or remind myself what my body created three times! I could whine and cry that I've got a mom bod or show strength and acceptance for this body, He gave me. I could keep going on and on to Baby Girl about how she hurt me. Or I could choose to drop it and let her be left with the thought that,"Mom is happy with herself."

To me that's so much more important...to teach my child that acceptance for who she is can be much more valuable than her physical appearance.

My mind came back to reality as I tried to shove my butt up into the air for a shoulder stand. I felt

like a kid again, doing this crazy pose. Some of the ladies  behind me were snickering because they kept falling over. "You know, this Yoga thing is kind of fun but definitely not easy," I thought. I was proud of what I could accomplish in only two classes and  made my mind up to come back.

As I placed my hands in a prayer like position infront of my heart, I quietly whispered, "Namaste," meaning "The spirit within me salutes the spirit in you."

 

 

"May the spirit of our daughters grow to love and appreciate the spirit in their mothers."