"Alright, mom. Now when I get bigger like you, I'm gonna marry a boy.""That's right, you will."
My mind was more concerned with what baby formula to buy than Baby Girl's statement. Should I get this formula or off brand formula? I had one mission. Go into Wal-Mart, get what I needed and leave before any kid melted down.
"...and God made the water..." her voice trailed off.
She was telling a story to her toy about God! Now my ears perked up. Where did she learn that? It had to be preschool. My heart was swelling with pride.
"Oh yeah, I did need to get a beef stew mix, I thought. I'll just quickly go down this aisle." But man was it crowded! So I maneuvered my way to where I needed to be and was looking diligently for beef stew mix.
"GET OUTTA THE WAY," she yelled to a lady looking for a packet too.
Oh my gosh! I was so embarrassed. Quickly, I tried to reprimand her and make her apologize but she wouldn't utter one word. OK. That was EMBARRASSING. I quickly got what I needed and took off out of there like a bat out of...
"I'm so disappointed. Why would you say that? Why didn't you apologize?"
All she would do was look at the buggy. She knew she had displeased me. I think she felt pretty bad.
On the way home, I thought, "Why in the world would she say that? And how can one minute she go from talking about God to the next minute yelling at a lady?"
"Woahhhhh, wait a minute Kim," my subconscious said. She said it but you thought it. Don't be so mad at her, she just hasn't learned to filter her speech yet. "Okay, I'll cut her some slack. But she's a big girl now."
"Big Girl? Two? She's a big girl! No, Kim she's still a baby," my own subconscious was reprimanding me now...
Someone told me recently, "When you have the second, the first automatically becomes a big girl. You no longer think of them as your baby...even though they still are."
It was true. Since Baby Boy has been born, I expect more out of Baby Girl and have to stop myself from thinking she's 10 instead of 2. I've been feeling majorly guilty about that and so I decided that I needed to give her more of my time.
Which brings me to my next point. When you have children, you have to give up most of yourself. Your mission in life is your children! In the beginning, that's very hard for new mothers to learn and still is for me. But it is soooo worth it.
I've met so many wonderful people since moving to Richmond and we frequently go on numerous playdates, preschool, Bible Studies, etc. And I thoroughly enjoy that! I thrive on people and thank God for blessing me with some wonderful friends. But last week, Baby Girl said something to me that made me stop and think.
We were about ready to go to my Bible Study when she said, "I don't want to go to chu-ch." I was in a rush packing their diaper bags and was trying to get her to eat so we could go. But she just wasn't budging. Something told me to stop.
So I sat on the couch and looked at her and said, "Okay Baby, we don't have to go." She crawled up next to me and laid her head on my shoulder. I was so surprised! She's not the type to do that. I felt her head. It was warm. And I knew then that she was sick.
Oh it bothers me something awful to think that I would put other things in front of my children. Yes, there is a time and a place for church and friends and playdates but that's not ALL the time. My children need me to selflessly give to them. They need me to hold them. They need me to praise them. They need me to discipline them. But more importantly, they need me to be MOM. Not someone else's friend, or a Bible Study buddy, just plain ole Mom. The woman they can turn to when life gets rough. The woman who will be tough on them and loving when their tears come. The woman who rubs their forehead when their sick and holds them in her arms whispering sweet praises to them...MOM.
That night, Baby Girl refused to go to sleep for The Hubs. Since Baby Boy has arrived, I cherish and love the time I get to rock him to sleep. But she kept saying, "I need mom to come in here and kiss me." So after I placed him softly in his crib and listened to his heavy breathing, I mustered up a little more energy to come to her room. The Hubs left and I told her to come sit on my lap. I wrapped my arms around her and said, "You are beautiful, You are smart, You are important. And I love you." I smelled her hair. I love her smell. And I whispered to her to climb in bed. She quieted down. She crawled into her bed and I thought she would go to sleep. So I laid in the floor beside her.
"MOM."
"Yes, Baby Girl." (Would she tell me she loved me.)
"I want you to open your mouth and tell me a story."
Hilarious, I know.
I laughed a little and told her a story about a bear and a tortoise sleeping under the stars...
"The End."
"Mom."
"Yes, Baby Girl."
"You can go now."
"Alright Baby Girl, I love you."
"I love soooo much."
And I quietly shut the door behind her realizing my Big Girl was really still a baby trapped in a toddler's body. All she needed was a little love.
And I feel so strongly in saying this because the Holy Spirit has been confronting me about this myself. Momma's out there, I know you want social time with your friends (this can be a lonely job) and I know you think going to church is a good thing but too much of anything can hurt your children. The Lord has blessed you with beautiful children and consider that an honor because He thought so highly of you to do the job right. He entrusted you with beautiful little angels to take care of. I'm not saying you should give everything up, but give up one thing...maybe two. Spend those nights loving those babies and spend those days rocking them in your chairs. At nap time, whisper praises over their head. They need you more than ever. This is your mission.
Lunch at Pocahontas State Park
Campbell University HOMECOMING
Preschool Halloween Parade
The princess and her castle...
