Loneliness Is Apart of Life

Sometimes it's good to be lonely. It can bring us to closer to our Father and help us develop a more trusting relationship with Him. But when you are in the throws of loneliness it can be no walk in the park. It can make you think deeply about your life and the life of others. It can make you feel unsupported and sometimes unloved. 

Before children, I would often spend many hours alone. The Hubs didn't have the typical 9-5 job so I'd drive into our small town of Roanoke and go walk the mall just to be around people. And other times , I'd pack a sandwich, stuff it in my purse and go see a movie by myself. It was a comfort just to be around others. 

Now that I have three children, the loneliness is different. In the midst of constant chaos, feedings and diaper changes you would think I would never feel lonely. But I do. It's hard to explain but I think I put my trust in people instead of God. I often think worthiness is found in the opinions of others. And when I do put trust in others and get hurt, it really gets me down. I know it's wrong...so why do I keep doing it? I think it's part of being human. I think we often put so much value in what others think than we do about what the Lord thinks of us. 

So sometimes He has to take the reins and steer us back in the right direction. What I've come to know is that loneliness is sometimes apart of life. It's God's way of getting us to shut out all the noise and all the distractions and focus solely on Him. 

Today was one of those lonely days. I had exhausted all my options for play dates and just felt like the Lord was saying, "Go walk with Me." So I loaded up Baby Boy and Tiny in the stroller and started walking. I told myself I was not going to listen to my Pandora radio station and just listen to God. The sun was burning my shoulders but a breeze blew gently to make it bearable. I heard a bird overhead and Baby Boy stuck his tiny finger up in the air and said,"Bur." He pointed to the tees (trees) and we stopped to pick him a flower. Tiny just stared at me with a cute little grin on her face that said,"Look at me mom. Smile at me." We stopped at a park and I let them swing for a bit. The quiet was good for me. The lack of distractions was good for me. I told God about how I need to focus on honoring Him more. Putting my trust in people was discouraging but the love He always shows me is encouraging. I have a God who is always there; who is so full of mercy and grace towards me. Words can't describe the feeling of worth I get from my Father. Thank you Lord.

Two verses come to mind when I think about loneliness.

"But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24b

"And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20b

Loneliness is apart of life. It's what we need to center us back on God. If you don't like it (which none of us do), then I suggest you do some walkin'. Get outside to clear your head, turn off your music, and tell Him what your feeling. He will listen. He always does.

I Am So Proud Of ME

I'm about to write something that is an accomplishment for me. I have lost all of my "Tiny Blessing" weight. That has never happened for me before. I've always stayed five pounds heavier with each child I've had. And on top of that good news, I've also lost two pounds of my Baby Boy weight!

As I write this out, my mind is telling me that I don't deserve this...or that it was all that breastfeeding I've been doing. But I have to remind myself that never before have I been able to get all that weight off me.

I also keep telling myself that I may gain it back. I know, I know...I'm terrible with the mind games. Why can't I just be happy with my success?

I think as women we put so much pressure on ourselves to look like we have it all together. We mad dash clean our house for people to come over. Only for them to open a closet and all the crap come tumbling out. We slap on makeup to hide our tired wrinkled eyes, in hopes someone will tell us we have beautiful skin. Only to wipe it off at the end of the day and stare sadly into the mirror, wishing we were still in our 20's. And the killer, as we change our clothes we catch a glimpse of our stretched out skin in the mirror and long for the days when we could wear tighter shirts and our flub didn't hang out. Yes, I said flub. We swear to ourselves that we should have realized how good we looked then instead of complaining for all those years that we were still too fat. Oh if only we could go back and do it all again. What we would have done differently!

Here's the kicker for me...I'm writing about this accomplishment because I've done it the healthy way and I'm not hungry-like with Weight Watchers. I'm reading through the Trim Healthy Mama book and feeling incredibly excited that I get to eat cheesy eggs for breakfast. What!!!!  I'm reeducating myself on sugar and the right type of grains. I'm going to the gym twice a week (that was my 2014 resolution) and for the most part, I've stuck with it. I've worked on my confidence. None of you know this but I made it a goal to be comfortable with myself enough to change in the locker room-and not behind a curtain! I still hate to do it, but I make myself so I'm reminded that I'm beautiful at any age and any shape.

 

I need to write this next part...for me and me only...

 

I may gain it back. I may never get down to the perfect size (whatever that is) and I'm gonna be okay with that. I am a woman, not a child. I have birthed three children. I work tirelessly to make sure they never hear me say the F-A-T word. In our home, I hope it never exists. There will be some weeks I don't make it to the gym at all. That's gonna be okay too. I will accept me for me, at all the different stages of my life. I will love me. I refuse to say negative things to myself anymore. I am so proud of ME.