Running Past It All!

I shut the back door and immediately notice it's dusk. "Where has the day gone," I ask myself. I walk down the sidewalk and turn on the IPOD and stopwatch. It's delightly cool outside. I feel different--wait a minute. No baby...The Hubs is watching her. The song, "Set Fire to the Rain" begins playing and I'm attentively listening to the first lyrics, "I let it fall, my heart and as it fell you rose to claim it." I think about being exhausted and how I really don't want to do this. But I do it for me...I do it to feel like a person again.

My three minutes of warm up is over. It's time to run and I switch the music to something peppy. Flo Rida is singing about a "Good Feeling." The music makes me want to run faster. I'm breathing hard. My chest hurts. But I tell myself, "You'll feel better after this first run." I begin to pass people on the sidewalk. It's surprisingly motivating. Runners everywhere. It really is a good feeling to see so many people enjoying the evening the same way I do. I'm reminded of being a kid when I run. Good memories flood my mind about playing tag outside with my dad as a little girl. I look down and my four minutes is over. I can walk now.

As I catch my breath, negative thoughts cloud my thinking. Satan has a way of doing that to me. The negative thoughts say, "Why are you doing this? The scale shows no change. You've worked hard enough today...just walk the rest of the way." But I fight back with myself and say, "The scale hasn't changed but you haven't gained back any of the inches you've lost. You feel good when you run. It empowers you. Just try once more." And so I begin running again.

The song, "Faster" comes on and I think about how beautiful the lyrics are...

                                                  "You make my heart beat faster."

Now, I'm running downhill past my insecurities. I'm running past the negative thoughts. With every step I take, I'm thinking about how far I've come. From not being able to run at all in June to 17 minutes total now! I've cut down on my resting period. My heart is getting stronger. I look down at the stopwatch...a minute and a half. I can handle this. My running is for me, you know. Not for anyone else. I'm running past the fear of judgement. I'm running past the stress, the worries, I'm running past it all. And it feels so good. This. Is. Mine. I'm not running for a man. I'm not running to be a size 5. I'm running to be ME.

It's time to walk now. I look up and the moon has just peaked through the clouds. So many cars have passed me...I really like living where there are sidewalks to run on. I notice how my legs feel stronger now and how it doesn't hurt as much as it did the first time. Sweat is pouring down my face. Maroon 5 is singing, "Moves Like Jagger" and they're telling me to shoot for the stars. I think about how blessed I am. My Baby Girl is here (through months of infertility she finally made her presence)! I think about how I would do it all over again. The stress of not knowing if I could have a baby, the medication...I would do it all over just to know she was in our lives. Then my thoughts travel to being a woman and not a kid anymore. I tell myself, "Your almost 28. You bare the scars of being a mom. You will never be the same. You need to think about how powerful you are as a woman. Get rid of those thoughts that tell you you're not good enough. Be confident in the way you look...be confident in the way you feel."

"I AM," I tell myself. "I am worthy. I matter." And the song "Good Life" begins playing. This is my final run. I notice how I hold my shoulders back and my head up when I run. It's a confident feeling...a good feeling. And I think about how this really is "The Good Life."

"Oh, this has gotta be the good life

This could really be a good life."

And it really could be a good life. If we (women) didn't put so much pressure on ourselves. If we said, "To heck with society! I'm going to be comfortable with myself. I'm going to be proud of who I am. I'M GOING TO ENJOY THIS GOOD LIFE"! We would be so much happier if we just ran past all our insecurites, all our fears, all our doubts. If we just kept running everytime a negative thought would knock us down, I guarentee you...we would find ourselves running into the arms of the one that loves us the most--God!

So my challenge for myself and for you is to put the headphones on, crank up the music, and run. Whatever it is...just do it for you and no one else. And tell yourself over and over, "I am more than this. I am worth it."

“Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:29-30

Tantrums...Overwhelm Her With Love!

Yea! I found something that works for tantrums...sorta. But before I begin, let me set the stage for what happened today.


This pic is so sad. But people she was mad because momma
was trying to show her how to feed the baby doll and she didn't want me to.
I promise this tantrum only lasted two seconds...I had to
get a picture to show her when she's older : )

 In the floor, Baby Girl was playing quietly with her baby dolls while I did the dishes. Then a friend of mine called to talk about a dinner date we had planned.  As soon as the phone rang and I said, "Hello" Baby Girl threw a fit. It was as if she was mad that I was giving my attention to someone else instead of her. She started yelling as loud as she could. And when I looked to see what she was doing, she was laying on her back in the floor kicking her legs and throwing her arms all over the place. Her face was as red as a tomato...she was mad--really mad!

Instead of being embarrassed, I found myself becoming angry. Why? Because I couldn't hear my friend and Baby Girl should know better, right?! Wrong! She's 15 months old. She doesn't understand to be quiet when I'm on the phone. So I tried ignoring it for awhile but it got worse...I looked over and she was biting her Little Tikes Picnik Table. Why did she do that? I haven't got a clue. So I tell my friend I have to get off the phone.



Hi Momma! I'm playing on my chair.

Believe me! I've tried everything! I've tried ignoring her. I've tried walking away. I've even tried mimicking her and throwing a tantrum too! Nothing was working. But I hadn't tried more of an "OVERWHELM HER WITH LOVE" approach. I remember learning about that from a wonderful professor I had in graduate school. He said that when children are angry and not behaving then they are seeking attention. So...do the opposite-- give them tons of attention!



So I took Baby Girl into the bedroom and we sat on the bed together. I gave her a big hug and didn't let go. I spoke to her very quietly and said, "Baby Girl, this is not the way to act when Momma is on the phone. You need to be quieter." She immediately stopped screaming and yelling. She looked at me with those big blue eyes and I swear, it was almost as if she was saying, "I sure do love you Momma. Thanks for hugging me." She grew calmer and calmer and before you know it, I told her the Tickle Monster was gonna get 'er and she gave me the biggest toothiest smile ever!

Hmmmm! So that's what it takes to tame her temper...I sure do hope this continues to work her whole life, because I have no problem overwhelming her with love. It sure beats "trying" to ignore the tantrums or saying, "No" a thousand times.

This has nothing to do with my blog but I thought it was a cute pic.
She loves peanut butter fries (it's really a piece of toast with peanut
butter cut into a french fry shape).

 
Tonight, I took Baby Girl in my arms and began to rock her to sleep (this is our favorite part of the day together). I even prayed with her! We said, "As I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take...and Lord please help Baby Girl grow up to be a kind person always displaying love."  I paused suddenly and realized I needed to pray for me too..."and God please help me to be a good momma always displaying love for Baby Girl. Amen." Baby Girl fell asleep a few minutes later, knowing how much her momma and daddy love her and how much the Lord loves her too.



God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God. Matthew 5:9

Add to Job Title: Landlords!

Good things are happening in our life! God has answered our prayers at the best time possible. I am pleased to announce that we are now LANDLORDS! This was so not how I planned my life nor how I wanted it to go. But the Lord knows best, right. Due to this terrible ecomony, most of you know that we haven't been able to sell our house. It has been one huge struggle with deciding to pack our bags one year ago and leave for a better job in the "Big City." We trusted God in this decision and at times questioned Him. Why hasn't the house sold? Why are we here?

Something I've always thought about was whether it's okay to question Him. And after years of wondering, I think I've come up with the answer...It's okay to question God but it's not okay to doubt God. God wants you to question Him because it shows that you believe He has the answers. But doubting God shows that your faith is lacking. By doubting God, you don't believe He has the answers and ultimately don't believe He exists.

I have to admit, this move has made me doubt God at times. I'm more of a concrete thinker and need to "see to believe" (kinda like Thomas). I wish I could be that person who has that ultimate faith...someone who doesn't need to see to believe John 20:29. I suppose that's partially why God has allowed us to go through this struggle. The whole time we were thinking, "Did we make the right decision? Was this really what God wanted?"

But the Lord waited til the appropriate time to show us that He has been with us the whole time. About two months ago we made the decision to rent. We showed the house to several people but for one reason or another, we just couldn't rent to them. I was frustrated that no one seemed to be the right fit. Some people were downright rude and offered us ridiculous offers because they said we were "in a pinch." Are you kidding me? This is where my faith began to blossom. My Lord doesn't put people in a pinch. He's a good God and only wants the best for us. So The Hubs and I mentally just gave up, offering to God our hearts and being okay if His decision was for the house to sit a little longer.

The day after the "in a pinch" couple left we had a new couple come to view the house. They took no time looking through and came into the kitchen and said, "We want it. What do we do?" They seemed like good people but through all this time, I've learned not to get my hopes up. Looks can be deceiving.  They filled out an application and went on their way. The day after, we ran their application and....perfect!!!!!! This couple was even better than I anticipated! The Hubs said, "I feel at peace over this." I agreed and now we have a signed lease! Praise God! He came through. But He always does, doesn't he? It's just never in my time and it's always when I give up and offer my whole heart to Him.

To conclude, when I googled "Bible Verses on God's Blessings" this came up instead. I know it's a little country but the lyrics are just perfect. I remember singing this song in church growing up...such good memories. It reminded me of a much a simpler time when childlike faith is so strong. You believed in God as if you believed in magic. You believed your God could do anything...

Standing on the promises I cannot fall,
Listening every moment to the Spirit’s call
Resting in my Savior as my all in all,
Standing on the promises of God.

MUST I REALLY EAT VEGETABLES...

So about two weeks ago, The Hubs and I went on vacation together to DC. It was one of the best vacations I've ever taken. I have to admit, I was a little worried about keeping up my exercise on vacation. But I did manage to run twice at the hotel gym. Apparently DC is huge...I never got that memo. We walked EVERYWHERE and definitely burned some calories doing that.

The next week, we had to go to Balitmore (The Hubs was on a business trip)  and no exercise for me at all. It was an interesting week. The Hubs was working all the time and I couldn't just go to the hotel gym with a baby. So nothing more to say there...last week suuuuucked.

This week I've tried to run twice and both times quit early because I just didn't have any energy. But I pushed myself through it and ran 8 minutes the first time and 6 minutes the second time. I know I know... NOT what I've usually done in the past. But I tried to make it count and walk extra long. I think the lack of energy has more to do with my own thoughts kicking me down. I'm notorious for worrying about everything. And yes ladies, I did stoop to that "regrettable" low I tried so hard to resist... I got on the scale and got majorly discouraged with the number. I kept saying to myself, "What's the point of me running if nothing's happening?!" I know that's a terrible attitude to have but might as well be honest with you all (pretty sure there's someone out there who feels exactly like I do).

On a positive note, I did meet with my "Personal Trainer" friend. Ironically, she wanted to meet at a restaurant. I was on the phone with my sister right before I went out that night and told her that I was going to a restaurant with a personal trainer to discuss my eating habits. She laughed and said, "I don't know if a restaurant is the best place to go." Talk about total anxiety with the menu choices : )

But anyway, back to my friend Kristin Weber (the Personal Trainer)...she was awesome. I brought along some food diary entries I've logged from www.myfitnesspal.com and she immediatley found my areas of weakness and gave me good alternatives to try. For instance, I like to make a "diety" version of french toast in the morning and she caught on that I wasn't consuming any protein in the morning. So instead she told me that with every meal I need to have one protein, one fat, and one carb. So...this morning I had one piece of toast with peanut butter on it. I think peanut butter counts as a protein and fat ; ) Did I mention I have a  LOVE AFFAIR with Peter Pan Honey Roasted Creamy Peanut Butter? PB Addiction runs in the family : ) Then she brought up the good point that I don't consume alot of fruits and vegetables. So a good rule of thumb is to have one fruit or vegetable with every meal and try to get at least two vegetables at dinner (ultimate goal is 5-6 fruits or vegetables/day). So...this morning I paired a plum with the toast (I made it a small fruit...because for some reason I just don't like thinking about eating an entire apple in the morning...is that cheating?) Kristin was awesome and gave great advice...I definitely recommend her to anyone out there looking for a personal trainer/diet coach.

So to recap, "Tomorrow is always fresh...with no mistakes in it." I will try try again. I will try not to get discouraged with the scale and I will FORCE myself to eat a fruit or vegetable with every meal (haha!)



My Little Sicky Paints for the First Time...

Baby Girl has come in contact with a virus recently and her temp went through the roof! So instead of going out and infecting other little kiddies we chose to stay inside and learn to paint!



Since we've had a Sicky in the house, I got her "My First Color Wonder" to fingerpaint with...

Painting wasn't her thing.

So much more fun to crumple the paper and throw it behind her head!

Okay Momma! I'm bored of this and 'bout ready to meltdown! Better think of something quick!

No more painting! No more painting!

NO MORE PAINTING NOW!

Words can't describe the face she's making ; )

 So I improvised and got out some food coloring and flour. I layed down some blankets and towels (something I learned to do from the last time we tried this). I put some food coloring in a measuring cup and filled it up with water from another cup. "Whoa!" says Baby Girl. "It's magic,"  I replied.

Trying to eat the flour. No Baby Girl. Nasty. Yuck!



Then we had a screaming contest. Her verses me. Who could scream the loudest. She won, of course.

Eating the zebra's head.

I tried to introduce the words "Red" and "Blue" to her. She said, "Red" once!

Baby Girl pretending with her zebra!



Having too much fun : )

Her favorite "Whoa" face.



Baby Girl played so hard she took a second nap that day!

 

Love that smile!



Downtown Ghetto Downtown, Police Cars, and Mustard Seeds

When I studied Psychology in college, one important thing we always talked about was Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Basically, a man named Maslow created what he thought was a list of five basic needs all humans have. The second most important need was safety. All humans desire to feel safe and secure on some level. But what he didn’t discuss was how much the need for safety increases when you have a child. When you become a parent, for most, your main desire is for your child to be safe and secure. Basically, you would give your life so that your child could be happy, healthy and out of harm’s way.

Recently, Baby Girl and I went on a business trip to a major city with The Hubs. He was going to be in meetings all day long. So it was up to me to find things for her and I to do together. We opted to try a zoo close to the hotel.

So I plugged the address into our GPS (The Hubs has nicknamed the GPS, GPSY) and we took off. GPSY can be so helpful  but she can also be the SPAWN OF SATAN when she wants to : ) So I’m assuming GPSY wanted to see me shake in my boots that day. For some reason, she took us downtown to get there. And not just downtown where there are lots of pretty shops, like ‘downtown ghetto downtown’. Here we were driving past boarded up buildings with bars on the windows and groups of people huddled in corners dressed in wife beaters. Okay say I’m judging…that’s okay. Say I’m overreacting…that’s even  okay too. But bottom line is, “I didn’t feel safe with a child in the car.” Luckily, we made it there in one piece.



Baby Girl enjoyed the zoo so much. Her favorite part was seeing the giant polar bear. She kept pointing at the bear and saying, “Ber, Ber.”

It was so hot that day that Baby Girl and I  had to get Strawberry Shortcake Ice Creams to

cool off after the zoo. She went to town on hers. Of course, most of it had melted all over her and the stroller but she seemed to enjoy the cool treat.

On our way home, GPSY decided she wanted to see me grit my teeth and white knuckle the steering wheel some more…so here I am driving to a T-interection and GPSY’s  telling me to go straight.

“What! There’s no straight, GPSY! That’s a dead end!”  So I made a quick right turn (complete opposite direction of the hotel) and GPSY had a conniption fit.

“Recalculating! Recalculating! Recalculating!” Even GPSY was having an anxiety attack : /

“What do I do?!” I say out loud. “Hurry up GPSY. Figure out where we’re going and get us out of the hood!”

Well GPSY gets to 70% recalculated and I decide I’ve had enough of looking to see if my doors are locked a hundred times and mentally kicking myself for getting Baby Girl and I in this situation. Now what happens next I usually DON’T do. But the country girl in me was desperate for some help from the Lord Almighty.

“God, please send me a white car to follow home,” I said out loud.

Who knows where the idea of a white car came from but it must have been from God. Because what do you know, a white van pulls out in front of me!

Subconsciously, I’m thinking of what my momma  always told me growing up. “Don’t go near white vans, Kim. They have people in them just waiting to snatch you up.”

But I decided that I had prayed and was going on faith with my white car prayer. So the van made an immediate right turn and what do you know again! A white police car makes a left turn at a four way intersection and gets in front of me!

“Oh thank you Jesus!" I was never more happy to see a police car. Immediately, I took a deep breath in and exhaled loudly. I didn’t realize I had been holding my breath for so long. My jaw was so sore from gritting my teeth, but I didn’t care. I was praising God for intervening in mine and Baby Girl’s life. I ended up following the police car all the way to the interstate and GPSY decided she had calmed down enough to get us back home safely…

What does that tell you about the Lord Almighty? That he intervenes at the most crucial moment? That he wants to test you? No. It tells you that, “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.” Matthew 17:20  Lately my faith in God has been zilch—nada. I’ve been trying to get a job and it’s NOT been working. We’ve been trying to sell our house and it’s NOT been working.  The Hubs asked me the other day, while driving back home to see our family, if I had faith in God?

I replied defensively. “Of course I have faith in God. What kind of question is that?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he said. “I just keep hearing you talk about this job and our house and it sounds like you don’t have faith in God, Kim. What does that Bible Verse say about moving mountains?"

I’m silent. Thinking about what he’s saying and looking at the mountain ahead as we drive.

He continued, “That if you have faith in God, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move’ and it will move."

The silence continued for a while and then I said, “Yah, I guess that means that it only takes a little bit of faith for God to do BIG miracles in your life.” We drove in silence, thinking and me praying the rest of the way home.