I layed awake in bed yesterday, trying to take a nap but my mind kept racing. I was making checklists in my head of all the things I still had left to unpack in the house, wondering if I had packed everything I needed for the hospital (a thousand times over) and trying to recall if I had everything ready to go in my Medela Pump Bag. It seemed like no matter how much I thought it through, it never was enough. Could this be nesting?
Since we moved into the house on the 28th I have been one big ball of energy. Unpacking as many boxes as I could in a day, organizing all my closets and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. It has been EXHAUSTING.
I've had other signs that labor is approaching but I'm trying not to get my hopes up, I have pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind. Baby Girl didn't even want to arrive on her due date so I've kept my excitement at bay. Maybe Baby Boy will be the same way? Regardless, I have "planned" his induction date for the 25th. And I am perfectly fine with inducing...mostly because it is nice to know that my family can be here to watch Baby Girl if need be (one less thing to stress about).
Okay, enough rambling on my part. Let's get down to the nitty gritty! Being that this is my second pregnancy and soon to be birth, this time around I am NERVOUS. With Baby Girl I was soooo excited for the special day to arrive. What will labor feel like? What would I think when I held my baby for the first time? I was so excited to experience it ALL! And I still feel that way about Baby Boy too. I envision getting to hold my son for the first time and kiss his forehead and tell him, "Momma and Daddy have waited for you for so long and we are so happy you are here." But I also am experiencing lots of fear.
Fear should be my middle name. It seems to follow me whereever I go. Fear of childbirth (this is not going to be a walk in the park), fear of the sleepless nights, fear of the lactose intolerance (it took us forever to figure out I needed to give up dairy for a few months, when she was born), fear of the jaundice...basically fear of everything. Sooooo that's why I have been planning everything out with this labor. That's why my hospital bag looks like I'm preparing to embark on a year long voyage across the sea. That's why Baby Boy's room looks like something out of a Pottery Barn Kids magazine. That's why my closets look more amazing than anything Martha Stewart could ever do.
But in my head I know how stupid this really is! I shouldn't be planning anything because friends, if there is anything I've ever learned in life it's that, "God's Plans Are Not My Plans!" God never does things my way and thank the Lord in Heaven for that! His way is so much better than mine. And all this planning is all for naught.
Joshua 1:1-9 says,
"After the death of Moses the Lord’s servant, the Lord spoke to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ assistant. He said, “Moses my servant is dead. Therefore, the time has come for you to lead these people, the Israelites, across the Jordan River into the land I am giving them. I promise you what I promised Moses: ‘Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you— from the Negev wilderness in the south to the Lebanon mountains in the north, from the Euphrates River in the east to the Mediterranean Sea[a] in the west, including all the land of the Hittites.’ No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you.
“Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
You see God even had a plan for Joshua. Moses was dead. How would he be able to take over and lead His people? Even Joshua was scared of the unknown! But don't you see that even then, God had a PLAN. He knew this would happen. But He never said that Joshua had to do it alone. He promises Joshua that He would not fail or abandon him. He tells Joshua three times, "Be strong and courageous." And He summed it up by promising to be with Joshua whereever he went.
So Kim, be strong and courageous! God planned for you to have this Baby Boy. Kim, be strong and courageous, "I will not fail you or abandon you in the hospital or on those sleepless nights. Finally Kim, be strong and courageous I will be with you wherever you go."
And the same goes for you, my friend. What are you fearing? What is keeping your eyes off of the Lord and on to earthly things? What are you excessively planning? Remember, it's all for naught! The Lord has already planned out your path and He is with you-even now!
Be Strong and Courageous,
Kim
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