When to Take a Leap of Faith-My Story Part 1

The whole reason my blog was created was to give people inspiration during hard times. This is MY STORY which taught me to appreciate this beautiful life we've been given.      

Grace and Peace Sent Your Way ~Kim

My husband and I...before Baby Girl was born.

In 2008, I was teaching at a Christian High School and began to notice that every time I talked my tongue would hurt (like I had burned it). It never seemed to go away. That summer we moved back to Roanoke so I could go to graduate school and become a School Counselor.

I scheduled a routine dental cleaning and mentioned that I had noticed a white spot on the right side of my tongue that had been there for months. He rattled off some medical term of what it probably was and performed a brush biopsy of my tongue. One week later he called and said that it wasn’t what he thought it was and stated that the cells had come back “Atypical” (something wasn’t right). I didn’t think anything was wrong but he referred me to an Oral Surgeon.

During my next meeting with the Oral Surgeon he said that he highly doubted anything serious was wrong. But he wanted to take out a small portion of my tongue to biopsy. Reluctantly, we scheduled the outpatient procedure and a few days later, the diagnosis came back Moderate Dysplasia (the cells are growing too fast). However, that was all he could tell me and referred me to an Ear, Nose and Throat Doctor.

After looking at my tongue, the ENT doctor, said the only way he could know for sure was to remove a football shaped portion of my tongue and send it to be biopsied. At this point, I am frustrated with the lengthy process this has been. No one seems to know what’s wrong with me and they want to cut out more of my tongue! This was interfering with my counseling training. This was interfering with my life. Grudgingly, I scheduled the surgery for two weeks later... still not believing anything was wrong.

I was put under anesthesia for the surgery. An hour later, I woke up with the worst headache of my life and noticed a male nurse filling out paperwork on the computer. I asked him what they had found out and he went to find the doctor to explain. The doctor rushed in and stated that he had to take out more than he thought. The spot had spread to the back of my tongue. The lab had determined that it was CANCER. I felt like the floor had dropped out from underneath me. I couldn’t possibly be hearing this! I was crying. The nurse handed me a tissue and said, “Go ahead and cry.” The doctor said that they had also checked my throat but nothing was found. They would do chemo and possibly radiation. The first question I asked was, “Am I going to lose my hair?” I don’t even remember what his answer was. And then he left to find my family.

In the days to come people sent flowers, emailed their prayers, called to say they had put me on their prayer list, and some tried to offer up words of encouragement. The support I received was so helpful. But a few people tried to say the right thing and ended up hurting me even more. Some would say, “Remember, God won’t give you more than you can handle” or “Everything happens for a reason” or still yet, “This is all a part of God’s plan.”

I think one of the most important messages I would like for you to take from this is that when someone is faced with a diagnosis of cancer, it isn’t always appropriate to bring up God. I was angry with God and questioning why He would let such a terrible thing happen to me! I had done everything for Him. So I would just smile and nod calmly, wondering in my heart if it was okay to be angry with God as I was.

It wasn’t until a few days later did my calm demeanor suddenly change while riding in the car with my mom. It’s funny how moms just seem to be a resting place for you when you’re broken. “I’m just so angry with Him, Mom. Why would He allow this to happen to me?” My mom took my hand and said with her mouth quivering, “It’s okay to be angry, Kim. Just know that He has chosen you for this because He knew you were strong. You will get through this. We will get through this.” It was her comforting words that day that helped me begin to pick up my boot straps and stay strong. She gave me the freedom to be angry. She had said, “We will get through this.” I felt unbelievable strength and support after hearing this. I was not alone.

Four days later, I decided that I needed, “Normal.” No more thinking about cancer or the threat of leaving my husband alone if I died. So I made the one hour drive back to my college classes. A lot of things can go through your mind when you’re all alone. Sometimes, being alone is the hardest part of all. It was during that trip that I turned off the radio and finally talked to God. “I’m so angry at you God. Why Me?! I don’t smoke cigarettes and I’m not an alcoholic. Why would YOU do this to me?” I cried and I cried, tears so heavy I could barely see to drive. And then I was reminded of a verse my grandmother (someone afflicted with tumors twice in her life) always quotes. Romans 2:11 “For there is no respect of persons with God.” It made sense to me now. God doesn’t pick who He allows bad things to happen to. This could have happened to anyone.  I turned on the radio and the Tenth Avenue North song  By Your Side began playing.

Why are you striving these days? Why are you trying to earn grace? Why are you crying? Let me lift up your face. Just don’t turn away. To where will you go child? To where will you run? Cause I’ll be by your side, wherever you fall, in the dead of night, whenever you call. Please don’t fight these hands that are holding you. My Hands are holding you.

I felt Jesus beside me that day (right there in the passenger seat) and an unbelievable peace which transcends all understanding filled my heart (Philippians 4:7).  That evening as I filled my car up with gas to return home, my phone beeped. It was a voicemail from my doctor, saying that my biopsy slides were sent to UVA for a second opinion and it was determined that I was misdiagnosed! There was NO CANCER!

People say, “Aren’t you mad at the doctors? I’d sue them!” No, I’m not mad. I’m at peace. I’d rather them be safe than sorry. I just heard the worst news of my life… and four days later the very best news.




This is a picture of my husband, brother, and a few friends right before THE JUMP! My husband hated that the only jumpsuit big enough for him was pink. Haha!

During those long four days my brother asked me to go Skydiving (something  I always was against). But I said yes and four months later I kept my promise to him and jumped out of a plane. It was the most freeing feeling for someone who used to LOVE control and then to be able to give it ALL up...and then to release the parachute and hear only a quiet birds get to hear was absolutely amazing. It was that Philippians Peace I talked about earlier.

I was incredibly blessed by God. I know that my story would never compare to someone who was actually afflicted with cancer but I learned so much through this.

1)    SUPPORT

a. When people are going through something tough-be supportive and go through the fire with them.

2)    PROVISION

a. No matter how tough the situation, God always has your back.  He always provides. If He brought you to it, He will bring you through it. 

3)    ENJOY

a. Enjoy this life because you only get one chance to live on Earth. Challenge yourself to do things you wouldn’t do. YOU are stronger than you know.

ENJOY this life to the fullest!