Baby Girl was singing this song to the tune of "Mary Had a Little Lamb." It wouldn't have been so bad had she not been on repeat, like a broken record.
We were all at the dinner table trying to enjoy a home cooked meal of pork loin and baked apples. Baby Boy was refusing to eat-again. Instead opting to squall at the top of his lungs that he wanted down. I looked at his little body and thought,"That boy needs to eat." I envisioned opening his mouth like a dog and shoving it in. But instead I opted against that idea.
The Hubs had scarfed down his food and was now heading to the living room to turn on Netflix. I knew what he was going to try and watch and had to politely remind him that,"The Walking Dead" was not suitable for the eyes of children.
Wait! Back that train up. Ok you caught me in a lie. I did not politely tell him to turn off, "The Walking Dead." I snarled my nose at him and said, "I can not believe you are even thinking about turning on that show!"
In the background, Baby Girl is STILL singing, "I'd like to be your best friend, best friend, best friend..." And it dawned on me as I stabbed a piece of pork loin that I'd rather stab the fork through my ear! That was it. Momma needed a break. I got up from the table and walked upstairs to our bedroom. Turning on the bathtub water, I saw tons of bath tub toys and a naked baby doll floating in the tub.
"Oh you do too?" I told myself. Having an imaginary conversation with myself I added, "Who doesn't enjoy a nice hot bath with naked baby dolls?" I was being sarcastic now. Over the years, I've found my mode of coping with difficult issues is to sarcastically add some very dry humor to the situation. Sighing I scooped up the toys and got into the tub.
"Oh Lord," I prayed. "I have not been worried about three children until this very moment. But after tonight, I know that Satan has taken notice of my inner peace and created a chaotic situation for me to deal with. Lord, all I want is to enjoy these last eight weeks of pregnancy. This is hard for me knowing that this is it. Have I cheated myself out of this experience by having them so close together? I know that my plan was for them to grow up close in age but I'm only 29 and I can't bare to think that I'll never have another baby in my belly. God, I know for me I can't handle anymore kids, but it's the thought of never being pregnant again that troubles me. So I'm asking you for peace in knowing that this is it. I'm asking you to help me maintain energy and patience with my little ones. Because when they are asleep at night, I lie in bed and think about how wonderful they are. I think about all the cute things they did today and how I want to cherish those little moments forever. Please be with me in a special way dear Lord. Amen."
I layed back in the tub and pulled out my Jesus Calling devotional. Flipping to the days date, I read these words...
"Many voices clamor for your attention, enticing you to go their way. A few steps away from your true paths are pits of self-pity and despair, plateaus of pride and self-will. The way to stay on the path of Life is to keep your focus on Me."
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. (Hebrews 12:1-2 NLT)
It was at this very moment that Tiny gave me a swift kick right at my belly button and I watched in amazement as I felt small arms and legs moving across my pregnant belly.
Thank you Lord for Tiny. She is such an act of love and a blessing to me. I will run with endurance the race you have set before me and I will keep my focus on You.
31 weeks
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