It was a hot day last week when I decided to take the kids on a much needed grocery trip. In the back of my mind, I knew I needed milk, yogurt, baby food and laundry detergent. The list seemed simple enough and I'd done this numerous times before so I thought,"This is no biggie. I'll just be in and out in 15 minutes."
I parked the car close to the buggies. It's easier that way to keep track of three kids being loaded in a grocery cart. But gosh was it a scorcher and none of the kiddos seemed happy to be there.
I rolled them into the store and immediately picked up the milk and yogurt. Baby Girl was walking beside me and I made the mistake of walking past the rows of candy.
"I want candy mom. You promised me candy."
Unfortunately that morning I had promised her candy but we had just ate ice cream so I told her we'd have to wait on eating candy. That's when she did something I haven't seen her do in a long time.
Her knees buckled and she laid down in the floor. Pretend crying. I WAS MORTIFIED.
"Baby Girl, get up right now," I said through gritted teeth and my mom eyes.
She didn't budge and my blood was boiling now. I couldn't help but wonder what all these people thought about my not so likable four year old.
So I moved in with my second mode of defense...THE THREAT.
"You will get off that floor right now or I will take away any candy you might get for the rest of the day."
That seemed to do the trick. So quickly she got out of the floor and started following me.
Ok, crisis afferted. Let's move to the baby food. "Hey Baby Girl, will you help me pick out what Tiny will eat this week."
Of course, distraction is my best friend these days. So she immediately started picking out all kinds of things for Tiny and throwing them in the buggy.
"Done. Only one more thing to get now. Detergent." I was on a mission and ready to get out quickly before another melt down.
"Detergent. There's so many varieties to choose from. Gain, Tide, pods, take your pick. I was so in my own world that I didn't even realize Baby Boy had broken into the baby food containers and was trying to open one to eat.
"Mommmm, Kitton (Kipton) is trying to eat the baby food," Baby Girl said in a I'm gonna tell on you voice.
"What?! Oh no. You can't do that."
I looked at him and said,"No sir."
He looked at me like a sad puppy. My little two year old couldn't figure out why mom was taking his food away.
"Ok, pods. Whatever. Let's just try these. Hopefully, I'm not wasting $12 on ineffective off-brand pods," I said subconsciously.
Moving to the register lines, I noticed they were all full! Not just full like one person full. Like it's gonna take 30 minutes of waiting just to check out. What can you even guess happened next?
"Mommmmm," said a whiny voice. "I have to poop. I really have to go."
My mouth dropped open. "Really? You really sprung that on me at a time like this," I thought.I just had to do it.
I had to go through every mom's worst nightmare-the U Scan line. No one was there. Of course, it would be open. Me, the mom of three, would have to take her kids through the U-Scan line.
"Mom, I really have to go baddddd."
"Okay Baby Girl. As soon as I pay."
I quickly started scanning things. Baby Boy noticed that I was no longer watching him so he started to push the buttons on the machine.
I could feel it coming! I could feel my voice making its' way out of my mouth and before I knew it, I let out a very audible and frustrated,"Errrrrrrrr! Just stop."
I had had it. I was done. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to say,"I give up," and leave all my groceries right there. And then something happened that shocked me even more...
The cashier, whose job is to hawk eye you, making sure you scan everything, looked at me and said,"I know it's a lot but you will really miss these days. They won't be young for long."
I swear to you, the Almighty Lord Jesus must have swooped down to her rescue because all I wanted to do was jump across the counter and strangle her neck like a chicken.
I wanted to say to her, "Don't you have any pity? Have you not done this before yourself? Aren't you supposed to be saying something supportive? I'm a young mom, you are a more experienced mom. Why don't you think of something comforting to say?"
But all I did was just say,"I'm sorry, they have not been the best today."
Man, I could kick myself for not saying more. I left the grocery store feeling ever so defeated in my role as a mom.
I've had a week to think about what I would have said to the cashier, if I could have had a re-do. So I created a letter for all the experienced moms to read. Sigh, here goes.
Dear Mom with Years Experience on Me,
I look to you for your wisdom. You have survived some hard years and came out on the other side, hopefully with happy stories to tell of your own children.
Right now, you see me going through a stressful time with my own. Don't look at my frustration as a sign that I don't love and appreciate my kids. I do! I often go into their rooms late at night and admire how beautiful they are...how quickly they are growing up. I marvel at how God blessed me with these three tiny souls to take care of. I feel a strong desire to do it right, by raising them to know the Lord.
But mam, I will not miss the tantrums, the pink marker on my white couch, the paint roller rolled all the way down my carpet or the sibling rivalry that seems to happen every day all day. That can pass by quickly.
When you see me struggling, you don't know that my husband worked late the night before. You don't know that I am tired, really tired, and would rather not take three kids to the grocery store. You do not know that I miss my own mom terribly. You do not know that my husband and I moved far away from them for a better job. Mam, I'm doing it on my own. Every day. Every night. So next time you see a young mother struggling please oh please do not give her your advice. But instead remember Titus 2:4-5.
“These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.”
Teach me. Support me. Tell me, "I see you're struggling. How can I help you?" I crave your encouragement. And then when I leave the grocery store, whisper a small prayer for me please. Pray that on my way home, as I listen to the sound of my kids chatting in the background and I let my mind wonder if I'm doing it right. Pray that God gives me a feeling of worth, another bout of energy and a feeling of contentment with where I am now on my life journey.
Sincerely,
A Young Mom with Little Experience
