In a recent Instagram story, I discussed my struggle with feeling of value as a stay at home mom. When you work your hardest through high school, college and finally graduate school, you feel like you have achieved gold. You can stand back and be proud of all the hard work you put into your degree. The idea of achieving everything seems within reach.
But then you decide to have children and discover you can’t get pregnant on your own. So you plummet to the bottom once more and realize you can do nothing without the help of God. Fertility medication seems to be the answer and you give it a go. The first time heartbreakingly doesn’t work, but the second time you achieve gold once more. The Lord works in mysterious ways as getting pregnant with the second was easy and the third was a beautiful Easter surprise. That’s when you discover that your gold moments have always been from God.
Life gets hard and as much as you love your children, sometimes you wonder when your identity was lost. You hear of other people’s success in the workplace, you become your husband’s biggest cheerleader and you find yourself getting hugged by little people all day long. Sometimes you have dreams of being back at college, studying hard and seeing friends daily. The days can be lonely now.
Evening comes and tiredly you put each child to bed, ending with your oldest. She cries because daddy has to travel. You cry inside because you want to take her pain away and know that this is something she will just have to get through. But that’s when you say, “Izzy, let’s pray,” and this is what you hear...
“Thank you God for this day. Thank you for Kipton and McKinlea and Daddy and my friends. Bring Daddy home safely.” She pauses, “Thank you God for my mommy. I’m so glad she’s always here for me. Amen.”
The darkness hides the tears that well up in my eyes and I thank her for remembering me. This is the moment that I’ve waited for, wished for and hoped for. It’s better than any bonus
I could get or dusty diploma that’s hanging on my wall. She gets it and needs me. I tell myself, “No, Kim. This is the moment when you’ve achieved gold.”
