Before children, I would often spend many hours alone. The Hubs didn't have the typical 9-5 job so I'd drive into our small town of Roanoke and go walk the mall just to be around people. And other times , I'd pack a sandwich, stuff it in my purse and go see a movie by myself. It was a comfort just to be around others.
Now that I have three children, the loneliness is different. In the midst of constant chaos, feedings and diaper changes you would think I would never feel lonely. But I do. It's hard to explain but I think I put my trust in people instead of God. I often think worthiness is found in the opinions of others. And when I do put trust in others and get hurt, it really gets me down. I know it's wrong...so why do I keep doing it? I think it's part of being human. I think we often put so much value in what others think than we do about what the Lord thinks of us.
So sometimes He has to take the reins and steer us back in the right direction. What I've come to know is that loneliness is sometimes apart of life. It's God's way of getting us to shut out all the noise and all the distractions and focus solely on Him.
Today was one of those lonely days. I had exhausted all my options for play dates and just felt like the Lord was saying, "Go walk with Me." So I loaded up Baby Boy and Tiny in the stroller and started walking. I told myself I was not going to listen to my Pandora radio station and just listen to God. The sun was burning my shoulders but a breeze blew gently to make it bearable. I heard a bird overhead and Baby Boy stuck his tiny finger up in the air and said,"Bur." He pointed to the tees (trees) and we stopped to pick him a flower. Tiny just stared at me with a cute little grin on her face that said,"Look at me mom. Smile at me." We stopped at a park and I let them swing for a bit. The quiet was good for me. The lack of distractions was good for me. I told God about how I need to focus on honoring Him more. Putting my trust in people was discouraging but the love He always shows me is encouraging. I have a God who is always there; who is so full of mercy and grace towards me. Words can't describe the feeling of worth I get from my Father. Thank you Lord.
Two verses come to mind when I think about loneliness.
"But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24b
"And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20b
Loneliness is apart of life. It's what we need to center us back on God. If you don't like it (which none of us do), then I suggest you do some walkin'. Get outside to clear your head, turn off your music, and tell Him what your feeling. He will listen. He always does.
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