Growing Up Southern, Living as City Folk

Driving down a busy street in western Richmond, Virginia I headed to an OB appointment. The radio was blasting. This was supposed to have been a 15 minute drive and with all the traffic it took me 30 minutes to get to the doctor. The song, "Southern Comfort Zone" by Brad Paisley began playing and I listened to the lyrics, caught up in the truth of them all.

When your wheelhouse is the land of cotton,
The first time you leave it can be strange, it can be shocking (definitely true for me)Not everybody drives a truck, not everybody drinks sweet tea (this is absolutely true!)
Not everybody owns a gun, wears a ball cap boots and jeans
Not everybody goes to church or watches every nascar race
Not everybody knows the words to "Ring Of Fire" or "Amazing Grace" (I do...and I'm probably the only one here that does)

Oh, Dixie Land,
I hope you understand
When I miss my Tennessee Home (or in my case-Kentucky home)
And I been away way too long
I can't see this world unless I go
Outside my Southern Comfort Zone

And I thought about how this southern girl could pass for a city folk...with my aggressive driving and endless knowledge of the Starbucks Menu (make that a tall-no grande, iced coffee with skim milk and a shot of mocha please).

But deep down...when you're born southern...it's always in your blood. I love living in the city...and the conveniences...and the seemingly endless opportunities to do things. Who wouldn't want to be an hour and a half from the coast and two hours from D.C?

Eastern Kentucky Mountains

But driving down that concrete road with all the buildings looming before me, I missed the sounds of quiet...of nothing. Now that it's almost spring, every morning I wake up to subtle hints that spring's a comin! Have you noticed the birds chirping lately? I have. Have you noticed the little tiny buds on the trees? I have. You see, that's a southern thing too! When you're born country, you learn to respect the earth and understand that God is in it ALL! You learn that when the leaves blow upside down-a storm's a comin. You pay attention to the earth's clues. 

Brad Paisely continued singing...

I have walked the streets of Rome, I have been to foreign lands
I know what it's like to talk and have nobody understand (Amen to that)
I have seen the Eiffel Tower lit up on a paris night
I have kissed a West Coast girl underneath the Northern Lights
I know what it's like to meet the only one like me,
To take a good hard look around and be a minority (the only country mouse in this city)

And I Miss my tennessee home
I can see the ways that I grown
I can't see this world unless I go
Outside my Southern Comfort Zone

Brad Paisley certainly got this song right. The other day, I was sitting in a city coffee shop that had a play area for children and I asked a mother there what I thought was a normal question.

"Does your child like to woller you, as much as mine does me?"

She looked at me kind of funny and said, "Excuse me?"

"Oh translation here...right," I thought in my head. "Does your child like to hang all over you?" I rephrased.

"Oh yes. Yes-she does."

Breaks Interstate Park, VA

And that was the end of that conversation! Hahha!  I find that more funny than anything else. But speaking of children, I so badly want Baby Girl and Baby Boy to appreciate their southern roots. So I think I've come up with a list of topics I hope they will always grasp from their southern momma and daddy.

1) Listen to Bluegrass...I do! In the car, I make sure Baby Girl hears some bluegrass every now and then. It's remarkable how at peace I feel, just by listening to it. I'm proud to teach her our culture.

2) Always Respect Your Momma and Daddy...I love my children very much and I hope they understand that I'd do anything for them and because of that...I want them to respect us for the people we are and the sacrifices we've given to them.

3) Don't Go Above Your Raisin'...always always always remain humble. Giving to others without expecting anything in return. Don't ever think you are better than anyone else. Treat others kindly.

4) Blood is Thicker Than Water...in the end your family are the only people that will stick by you no matter what. Make sure you keep them close...even if you are three hours away.

5) Respect the Earth...listen to the clues the earth gives you. Think about the old sayings that tell of harsh winters and comfortable summers. Listen to the birds...and when you do...you'll hear a whole new world open up to your ears. Look at the trees. Listen to the rushing water...because in the end-they will be here much longer than you will.

6) Last but not least, YOUR GOD is always with you. In the toughest of times and in the best of times.Keep HIM only a prayer away. HE listens-even when you think HE'S not.

And so this is my southern blog. I'll probably be the only one that reads it but that's okay...because it reminds me of a much simpler time. Back when I was a little girl with legs covered in bug bites, playing Cops and Robbers with my neighbor, sister and brother until dark, knowing it was  time to go inside when I heard the frogs begin to sing their night time songs.

Good Night All My Southern Friends, Sleep Tight...



Cherokee Lake, TN



Mt. Rogers, VA

Mt. Rogers, VA

Seven Mile Mountain, VA

Seven Mile Mountain, VA

Peaks of Otter, VA

Peaks of Otter, VA

Bye Bye Paci's. Hello Big Girl!

"Mommy. Mommy. Mommyyyyyyyyyyyy," says Baby Girl as she stares up at me. It is the sweetest sound.

"Yes, Baby Girl. What do you want?" I ask her patiently while washing a few dirty pans in the sink.

"Of u. Of u. Of u."

"What? Mommy can't understand."

"Love You!"

"Oh honey, I love you too." And she walks away deciding to play with her Bear instead.


My heart has just melted. My little girl loves me. And that is exactly what I want. It is exactly what I needed to hear. I know I can't expect my child to always love me and it does sound ridiculous that I needed to hear, "I love you." But it's true and there's no other way around it. She is my everything.

We are going through a transition stage right now...trying to get rid of the paci. This has been one of the biggest challenges I have faced yet. At first we tried cutting the tip off. She just stuck it on the end of her finger and laughed. Then when she realized it was broken she threw it in the floor several times. The next two nights were terrible. So we ended up giving it back to her.

Frustrated with this process, I posted on Facebook that I needed suggestions. And the best suggestion of all came from a relative of mine who lives in Kentucky. She told me to ask my my grandfather about "the signs." She said that my great grandmother believed in the Farmer's Almanac and planted by the signs. My great grandmother used to say, "To break a habit you wait til the signs are "in the knees" and when the signs return "to the head" the habit will be forgotten."

So I called up my grandfather and he explained to me that the signs are in the knees on February 6-7 and when the signs return to the head on the 14th the habit will be forgotten. Desperate for some help, I tried it and can I just say I am totally AMAZED! She has been PACI-FREE  (except for one night) since February 7th with no tears, no tantrums, etc. Click Here for the Farmer's Almanac

The hardest part for me is letting her grow up. Our conversations have been what breaks my heart.

At night, Baby Girl asks for a paci. And I say to her, "Paci's are for babies. You are a big girl now. Big Girl's get toys."

She says her real name and follows up with, "________ Baby."

"No honey. You're a big girl."

And THAT is the hardest part of all. It is literally breaking my heart. Because everytime I have to say she's a Big Girl, I feel like I'm losing more and more of my baby. So last night, we had a conversation in the rocker before bedtime.

"You will always be my baby. I will always love you. There is nothing in this world you could ever do that would stop me from loving my baby girl. But you are a Big Girl now. And you are doing soooooo good. Mommy loves you."

And that seemed to be all she needed to fall asleep in my arms.

Friends of my blog, this is HARD. I love her so much and don't want to let her go. I never knew it would be this difficult. But a mother's love for her child is unending. The attachment I have with her and the bond we share continues to grow stronger each day.

So to celebrate her "Big Girl" status I have removed her crib bumpers and we had her little girl bangs cut. It's so hard to believe in 3 months she will be two years old. On the 14th (Valentine's Day) of this month, I am having her a "Big Girl" party. Just a cake that says, "Mommy and Daddy LOVE their BIG GIRL." We may go to Build a Bear and let her put her paci's in a bear. And I will be sure to take lots of pictures.

The Trouble With Women: Raise Your Girls To Be Better Than You Are...

 

Recently, I spent a few days with my sister to help her take care of her newborn baby. We have a special bond between us that goes much deeper than any friendship. We get each other. Partly, because we never quite felt like we fit in with other women. As teens, we always used to joke that we were taller than the other girls, didn't have the mousy voices like the other girls and just felt generally awkward. Where was our place? Would we ever truly fit in?

 

One day, during my stay with her, we had a conversation that started like this...

 

"Isn't this different?" said my sister.

"What?" I said as I was sitting cross legged in the floor with Baby Girl in my lap.

"Sitting here holding our babies. We both have kids now," she said.

"Yeah, I guess it is," and I was deep in thought because I was looking at her holding her little girl and me holding mine, wondering how in the world we were going to raise them to be good women.

 

That conversation with her fueled my desire to write a blog that would benefit other women today but more importantly, maybe Baby Girl would read it when she's older and see how passionate I was living the quiet life of a Godly Woman. I realized that if I wrote a blog about women, I had to be honest with myself and say, "Yes, I have been the evil fake one too. But I think my heart is in the right place. I think my teenager longing to fit in is drifting away, due in part to the wisdom I have gained from becoming a mother." So here goes, its honest, possibly offensive but incredibly real.

I could never be a lesbian. There. I said it. Not because of the political or religious opinions associated with it but because sometimes... I CAN'T STAND WOMEN. And what's ironic is that God chose me to be one! Honestly, I don't know what men see in us.  We can be extremely moody, always worry what other women think about us (while secretly planning our attack against them), and choose to leave women out if we see them as less than we are. It's this vicious cycle of trying to make it to the top of "woman power."

 

Woman Power? Yes, power associated with thinking you are the best because you secretly don't want others to think you are the worst. Every woman has done it at one time or another. Have you been fake to anyone that doesn't meet your standards? Do you not realize that when you threw your friend under the bus, she did the same to you? Do you not post Facebook pics of yourself with perfect hair and makeup, for fear you will be judged by other women if you look less than perfect? Or use the "Skinny" button and "Teeth Whitening" button on all this new photo editing software to make people think you look like you have it all together? Disclaimer: Do Not Read This and Automatically Say, "Well that's not me!" It is you. We've all done it before...be real with yourself for once.

 

I always ask myself, "Why can't I ever be at the top of woman power?" To have loads of friends, a social life that seems to never end, and the feeling that I have reached the top of the totem pole. But I always come back to same conclusion. To be at the top of the woman totem pole means that you have decided to disregard all human kind for your greater good. I DON'T WANT THAT!  Secretly, I care about everyone much more than I care about myself. I don't want to post tons of Facebook pictures of me with all my friends because in the end-those friends will come and go. And what have I accomplished by doing that? Maybe a spark of jealousy in another woman or hurtfulness that goes much deeper than a picture is worth. I don't want others to feel left out if I don't invite them to a party I'm hosting. What have I accomplished by doing that? Only the feeling of inadequacy in women I deeply care about.

 

"Our life is full of seasons,"as I used to tell my fifth grade students. "Friends will be here for a short while and then you will change... or they will change and you move on." But what's interesting is that those fifth grade students don't like hearing the truth. They want to think that relationships will always last and they cling to the idea that...just maybe... they can make it to the top of that totem pole.

 

Most adult women do the same thing! They haven't yet reached that point of self actualization where they realize it's better to focus on their relationship with God than with other women. Can you imagine what it would be like if the women of the world chose to let go of woman power? We would all look at each other as if we were on the same level. We wouldn't be secretly planning our next attack; instead planning our next move of kindness. And most importantly, we would care about ourselves; instead of looking at our ownselves as LESS.

 

It's clear to me, that God has a special place for women. He created us as nurturing helpmates for our husbands and children. We are meant to endure great hardships through childbirth. We are strong creatures. But because of our nurturing heart and our give back attitude for others,  we tend to let ourselves go to the wayside. I want to think of myself as reaching the top of "woman power." But I want the definition to change. 

 

Woman Power: To think of yourself as a beautiful creature, not less than any other woman, full of love for human kind and always giving back to others, reassuring yourself that by doing so, you have reached the top of the Woman Totem Pole.

 

 

Quote from My Sister: "Wouldn't it be nice if we weren't concerned with people patting us on the back; instead living in the moment. "

 

1 Thessalonians 5:11     

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

Hebrews 10:24   
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works,

Proverbs 31:20   
She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.

Pregnancy Update Blog: Hello Third Trimester!

28 Weeks- Hello Third Trimester!

Gender: It’s a Boy! His blog name has officially been set as Baby Boy : )

Weight Gain: 16 pounds! I’m right on track but still find it hard to see the numbers keep creeping up ; )

Movement: I’m pretty sure Baby Boy’s head is permanently attached to my bladder. At the oddest times of day, I get the sudden urge to pee and then, just as quickly as it comes, the urge goes away. It’s the weirdest feeling ever. He also moves A LOT when Baby Girl “pretend cries.” He seems already attached to his sister.

Sleep: Hmmm? What is that? I truly believe I can’t remember what it feels like to actually sleep through the night. I get up at least 5 times a night. Correction: I slowly roll over and lift myself up with my arms five times a night. It’s quite a workout to even get out of bed!

Symptoms: Mood Swings…sometimes pregnant angry at everyone in my sight and sometimes pregnant sad. You know, where you cry at the stupidest things but to you it all makes sense to cry ; ) Other symptoms include heartburn and pressure. I suppose with the second baby, pressure just seems to increase since the baby sits lower but sometimes I’m like, “Are you gonna fall out?!”

Cravings: Yah! The craving for meat has passed!!! No more Burger King burgers with mayo for me. Now, it’s fruit and milk…and lots of it. My mamow makes this incredible fruit salad and in two days I ate about 6 cups of fruit (I kid you not). And milk…I drink at least 3 glasses a day. One day, The Hubs wanted to stop by a Dunkin Donuts. It just so happened that it happened to be a Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins combo! Yah!!!! I got mint chocolate chip and oreo crème icecream (don’t judge- it was a small)…but still- it was soooo good : )

Best Moment of the Week: Sitting in the bed with Baby Girl and The Hubs for a night time pow wow! Baby Girl lifts up my shirt (she does this a lot lately) and says, “Baby.” Then she lifts up her shirt and The Hubs shirt and declares that they too have a “Baby” in their bellies : ) We tried to explain to her that only mommy’s have babies but she really doesn’t comprehend what’s going on. Despite it all, it was really cute.