Thursday, April 24, 2014

Using Running to Control Emotions

I walked into the gym, dropped off the kids and felt READY to burn some energy. My emotions were high but honestly I didn't know why. I'm guessing it was hormone related. If you're a woman, I'm sure you can totally agree with me that sometimes you just feel ready to bite someone's head off and whoever crosses your path first will be the unfortunate victim! I knew I was a mess and I also knew the only way to fix this was to...RUN. Running can be the best counseling session for me. I turn up the music and pound it out.

What do you know? One of my favorite songs began playing on Pandora's Pop and Hip Hop Workout Station: Timber by Kesha and Pitbull.

Kesha was singing, "It's going down, I'm yelling timber. You better move, you better dance." And that was all I needed to kick it into high gear...turning up the treadmill speed along with the volume on my phone, I began zoning out (something that always seems to happen when I run).

I was breathing hard and the negative kept saying, "Just stop now. This is too hard for you."

But I fought back. "No, I need this! I need to get through what's bothering me."

I was having a conversation with myself now. Fighting through the initial pain of running, I said, "But what's really bothering you? I don't know. Yes, you do know, Kim. It's all those little afflictions you've been pushing down lately. It's all those little things that's gonna make you pop!"

I looked down at the treadmill and realized that 10 minutes had come and gone, just like that. A lady beside me was facebooking and walking at 1 mph on her treadmill.

"BRINNNGGGGGGGGGG" went her annoying phone. And then she started talking to someone in a foreign language loudly!

"Really!!!!!" I thought. She was breaking my concentration. Little did she know that she was in my territory and I had pegged her as my next victim.

"Stop, Kim! Forget her. Just run." And that's when Evacuate the Dance Floor by Cascada began playing. I turned the music up even louder so as not to hear her irritating conversation.

Ironically, these are the very lyrics I heard, "Turn up the music, lets get out on the floor. I like to move it, come and give me some more." And that's when I zoned out again.

You know, running means so much more to me now than it did when I was in high school. In high school, I would run for weight loss. But now, I run for health and vitality. Vitality- that's a big word for me! I never realized that vitality meant to be strong and active.  I suppose people would never believe by looking at me that I could run 30 minutes without stopping. But I can! And I feel so accomplished because of it. I do feel strong and so alive. Now I run to feel better, to hold my head higher with confidence and to counsel myself.

Growing up southern, you learn that to be a woman means to be strong. Hardships will come but you suck it up and find a solution to the problems. I can remember as a little girl going into Wal-Mart with MML and hanging my head down because I thought people would make fun of me for wearing sweatpants.

One day, MML looked at me and said sternly, "You will hold your head up Kim and stick your chin in the air. We don't care what people think about us." Her words really meant something to me then and even now.

And as I was finishing up my run all the anger seemed to pump right out of my chest, through my fingers and out my toes. It was a surreal experience. I heard myself saying, "You've got this! Keep going!!! Suck it up...just a little bit more." Inwardly, I was cheering myself on. "Five minutes Kim, just five more minutes. Keep your head in the air, stick your chin out! Come on!"

"You Did It!!!!!" my subconscious was roaring at me now. I was cheering myself on and feeling totally alive!

The running was so cathartic for me that I'm embarrassed to say this, but I almost cried. I am a highly emotional person but I sucked it up and held it in. It was everything that I needed in that day. It was everything I needed in that week. Running had helped me get it all out. I know it sounds weird reading this but for me, it brought up everything I needed to confront. Let's face it; we all need to confront a whole lot of garbage in our lives. We all need to run it out.

And as I slowed my pace to cool down, no joke this song began playing. It was as if God said, "I heard everything you were saying. I felt everything in your heart and oh how I love you." Look at these lyrics.
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.

When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.


 And oh, how He loves us, oh,
Oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all

 
What stood out to me was the line, "I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory." You see, the mighty power of God is like an eclipse. It covers any type of personal affliction we may have, so that we are totally unaware of any problems we may be facing. That's how strong and mighty our God is! 

So friends, whatever afflictions you might be facing, The Lord wants you to know that if you believe in His power and strength, anything you may be facing can be resolved. Any issue you might be having needs to be brought to the feet of God and...left. Yes, I said left! Let it go! Easier said than done right? One of the hardest things to do is to release control. But when you do, God will take your problem and turn them into solutions. In the meantime, harness all the emotions you were born with by running them out and setting them free. Let all the frustration, anxiety, anger, hurt and depression just slip through your fingers. God's got this. I promise!



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