Falling in Love for the Second Time

I've been wanting to write a blog about my husband and I's relationship for a long time. But for whatever reason, something kept holding me back. I don't know what it was, but I just couldn't put into words everything I was thinking. Severe writer's block had set in. Lately, I just keep hearing in my head, "Be honest with them but make sure to protect your relationship." So here goes. I'm giving you an invitation to be a fly on our wall.

Dale, also referred to as The Hubs :) was my high school sweetheart. We met when I was only 15 years old. Looking back on that I can't get over how young I was. My parents must have had a heart attack when I told them I "liked" a boy and wanted to go on a date. But I think they handled the situation perfectly well. House dates at 15 (God knew how much I hated that-but now I know I'll do the same with my own children). The first time he came to my house for dinner my heart was beating out of my chest. My head was so "in the clouds." (That's my phrase for being in love). But I can remember spending time getting ready and wanting to look just perfect for this perfect guy. He had it all...musically talented, enjoyed running, Christian faith and the biggest...respect for me. Three months into our relationship he asked me two important questions: 1) "Will you wear my class ring?" and 2) "Can I kiss you?" I had never experienced that kind of respect before...giving me the power to say yes or no to a kiss. I knew then that he was The One. 

We dated throughout high school. When I was 16 years old, my parents let me take my sister along on dates. Thanks Vannah.  She was our chaperone. And by 17, I got to go on the coveted alone date. Sometimes, we'd go to a movie and on occasion drive up to the Roanoke Star. But for the most part, we spent a lot of time walking together and talking. After his Senior year and my Junior Year, he went away to college in North Carolina. We had talked about breaking up, worried that the distance would be too much for us. But we never did, instead opting to send hundreds of letters to each other. Our communication was getting stronger. By the time it was my turn to pick a college, I wanted to follow him. But my mom said that she wanted me to become my own woman and go to my own college. It was hard to know I wouldn't be spending every day with him again but looking back she was right. We spent what felt like four years on the phone and AIM :) But every two weeks he would drive in to see me and on occasion, I'd go see him. When the weekend was over and we'd have to say goodbye my heart which used to pitter patter would break. I thought that was the hardest part of our relationship. But I knew one day I'd get to be with him every single day. 

When I was 20, he took me on a day trip to The Biltmore Mansion. I was so excited to see this elaborate mansion but instead he wanted to go see the Bass Pond on the property.

"Okay? The Bass Pond..." 

It seemed like a wretched idea to me but I agreed and followed him through the woods to a floating gazebo on a small pond. It was still early morning and the fog was hovering over the water. We walked into the gazebo and he got down on one knee and popped open a beautiful blue box. Inside was The Ring and he said, "Kim, will you marry me? 

"Yes!" I said smiling from ear to ear. Forgetting about the ring, I hugged him tightly. 

He hugged me back and smiling said, "Be careful of the ring." Mistakingly, we had hugged so close to the edge of the gazebo that his hand (which was holding the ring) was now dangling overtop the water.

We pulled away quickly and he slipped the ring on my finger. It was the best day of my life.

Two years later and I was standing at the back of the church double doors holding each parents arm as they both walked me down the aisle. Five thousand rose petals covered the floor and candelabras lit the way. But the only thing I focused on was him.

There he was! My prince, the love of my life smiling again from ear to ear. We recited our handwritten vows to one another, both shedding a few tears of relief that we could finally spend the rest of our lives together. 

"And may I present Mr. and Mrs. St.Clair," the preacher said.

Oh what beautiful words to hear. I was his and he was mine.

That day we thought all our troubles would be over. We were together and that's all that mattered. In the years to come, we survived on my Christian School teaching salary alone as he finished his doctorate. We also weathered through a misdiagnosis of cancer and infertility. But we still had each other. 

In the present, we are surviving through the young years of our children. Could this be the toughest thing we've faced yet? This statement is not to be misconstrued with ungratefulness  for the Lord's tiny blessings. But to say that everyone goes through it and these little blessings require a lot of our love and attention. It's very important for us not to get disconnected from one another. Not to lose sight of our original love. In January, I joined a Marriage Bible Study and learned a lot about compromise and respect for my husband. I'd like to share what I've learned with you.

1) Compromise on everything. Stop the nagging. If his pile of dirty clothes by the bed bothers you, put a hamper by his bedside. If her constant ability to lose keys bothers you, make her a place to put her keys :)

2) Respect your man. This has been the hardest of all for me. But I'm learning that most men desire to feel in charge and be the CEO of their family. Respect his decisions because ultimately he feels a strong desire to take care of his family.

3)Desire and Date Nights. You say you don't have the desire...then compromise and go on a date to remind you of your original love. Hold hands, hug and show him that you desire him. The rest will follow through.

4) Don't say the D word. I have to admit, "I've said it and regret it." Just don't do it.

5) Committment. Determine how committed you are to the marriage. Margie Sims, a wonderful lady in my Bible Study said,"It's not how committed you are to God or your faith. It's how committed you are to your marriage."

6) Weather the Storm. Most people find that after the hard times or the crisis, it's always better on the other side. Wait it out. It will improve.

7) No Negativity. Don't get caught up in sharing too much negativity with your girlfriends. In the end, it only makes them hate your husband while you're still trying to find a way to love him.

8) Team Effort. When it comes to raising kids, make sure you're on the same page. Dont get caught up in the bad cop/good cop complex. Don't forget that in your family you two are a team and need to side with each other. 

9) Pray. If your marriage is too far gone to know what to pray for, God will hear your groanings. Just talk to Him. Be specific if you want to see change.

10) Remember how you fell in love the first time. Remember feelings, the dates, the question, the kisses. Remember how you loved him when it was just the two of you.

My husband, my love, my one and only. We've shared hard times and great times together. Since January, I've been applying these concepts to my own life, and I'm falling In love with him all over again. I'm trying to respect him (although messing up a lot) and he's noticing the respect. He's taking me on dates and holding my hand. Yesterday, he told me I was drop dead gorgeous (to a 20 week pregnant lady with two kids already, I literally melted right there in front of him). I show him I desire him and he helps me wash the dishes (lol-this is sexy to a woman). We are falling in love again. And I have to say, the second time is even sweeter than falling in love the first time.

Wishing You Wisdom, Patience and Love in Your Marriage,

 Kim

 High School Days

Campbell University Musical Performance

"Who gives this woman to be married to this man?"

"Her mother and I do."

The Kiss

Our FirstApartment 

Our First House

Lovers' Leap 

Date Day to Donald Trump Winery 

Spontaneous Couple's Trip to the Carribean

2014 Beach Trip-pregnant with third blessing

14 Years Together. Falling in Love All Over Again 

Jamestown, Virginia

I am spontaneous-to a fault. Fortunately, The Hubs has come along side my crazy antics and embraces them with as much as his Type A personality will allow. If I had my druthers (and had an endless supply of money and time), I'd spend every day going on mini vacations with my family. I'd hop on a plane and see all of the U.S. But since I can't do that, I like to spend the weekends traveling to different areas in Virginia. And the list of places I'll be able to go will be limitless as the kids get older.

As a kid, my mamow would let us spend the night on the weekend. Often she'd say, "Let's go kids! Put on your shoes. We're going for a drive." And we'd drive all over our little town of Elkhorn City, Kentucky. The stops would be endless. First the grocery store, then a trip to the gas station where the gas station attendant would pump our gas and give us Juicy Fruit gum. We'd belt out one of my favorite hymns, "The Old Rugged Cross" in the car. Mamow would sing the harmony and the rest of us the main parts. Eventually we'd make our way to Dairy Cheer, where we'd pull into the parking lot and order THE BEST Super Man icecream ever. If mamow was feeling extra spontaneous, she'd let us stop by the nursing home to give her friend a hamburger. I remember walking into the room with mamow and seeing her friend laying in the bed. Even at a young age, I felt compassion for the lady. Her hands would be curled from the arthritis and she could barely hold on to the hamburger. One time, mamow said we drove past the nursing home and I had the biggest fit ever. With big crocodile tears, I told her I wanted to give her friend a hamburger. And so she had to turn around just so we could visit her friend.

It goes to show you that it's the little things that matter most to kids. So I suppose money and time really isn't a problem. Kids just enjoy breaking up the routine and going to new places...even if they're just down the road a bit. This past Saturday, I secretly asked The Hubs if we could go to Jamestown, Virginia. The last time we went I took my sister. Baby Girl so badly wanted to go into the bottom of the ships. But I couldn't let her because The Hubs wasn't there to help. There was no way I could make it down the steps with both of them! So he agreed and that night when he got her ready for bed he told her the surprise...

She flew down the stairs and yelled, "Mommy! Mommy! Guess what!" Her little hand covered her mouth in such excitement and anticipation.

"What?" I said with as much pretend excitement.

"Daddy says he's going to take us to the SHIPS tomorrow!"

"Oh my gosh! That is soooo exciting," I said as I mimicked her and covered my mouth with my hand...

And that, my friends, is why I love family time and traveling. It's all the little moments; like watching her get excited over something as small as seeing the ships. It's a constant reminder to enjoy every moment you have with your children.

The next morning we woke up early and headed to The Waffle House. The Hubs and I used to do that every Saturday when we first were married. And we have decided to make it a family tradition. Here's some pics of our breakfast together.

After breakfast, we hopped in the car and headed to Jamestown, Virginia. We had the best time together. Here's some pictures to capture the time we had together...

 

Wow, a cannon!

 

 

Best picture ever!

 

 

I have never seen a girl so interested in a ship. Too cool!

 

 

Baby Boy was fascinated with...the rocks. So Baby Girl stopped to look at the rocks with him.

 

 

 

He loves to touch everything.

 

 

 

Maybe a future hunter...

 The next few pictures...Baby Girl had to have a picture with every single hide. I'll spare you and only post three : )

 

 

 

 

All in all, we had a fabulous day trip. I love where we live and the history behind it. And I'm so glad I get to share my desire for travel and spontaneity with my family.

 

 

18 Weeks...Almost Half Way There

18 weeks now. Almost half way there. It is still hard for me to wrap my mind around this pregnancy! I am still stunned when I see my growing belly in the mirror.

God wanted this baby to come fill our lives and make it finally complete. From struggling with infertility with my first to not knowing if it could happen again with my second and finally to getting the best surprise of a lifetime, we are so happy with this precious gift.

Thought I'd update you on what's been going on with this pregnancy...

Gender: We still don't know. Just a few more weeks though. I have my hunches but I'm keeping that a secret.

Weight Gain: 4.6 pounds. The least amount of weight I've gained with all three pregnancies. I attribute that to exercise. This is the only pregnancy where I have continued to exercise past the first trimester. But for me it's not about the weight. It's about how exercise makes me feel. I'm really enjoying it and hope that the exercise keeps me from getting the horrible back pain I had with Baby Girl and Baby Boy.

Movement: This baby is going to be my calm child. I just know it. Every now and then I feel little kicks and punches but for the most part, Tiny is pretty chill. It's amazing how each baby is so different.

Sleep: Some...lots of crazy dreams though. But that could have something to do with Dexter Date Night. The Hubs and I are into the series Dexter now and every night we watch an episode together when the kids are asleep. That's some scary stuff.

Symptoms: Really this has been the easiest pregnancy out of all three. Not many complaints. In the beginning, I had really bad nausea but now nothing. The only different symptom I've had is a constant headache. Very annoying.

Cravings: Wait for it...Asian Food! Crazy. Give me some Hot and Sour Soup and tempura shrimp sushi soaked in soy sauce and I'm in Heaven. In one week I

knocked out three Asian food restaurants! Just thought of something...maybe all that salt is giving me headaches. Guess I'm gonna cut back.

Best Moment of the Week: We all sat down for dinner and Baby Girl says, "What does it mean to be thankful for someone?" We tried to explain it as being happy someone is in your life. And she says, "Thank you God for Daddy, Baby Boy, my neighbor friends and Mommy. Oh! And for the baby in Mommy's belly."

Pure random sweetness...melted my heart. Of course, The Hubs and I smiled at her with such surprise and proudness. Our family will be complete when Tiny is born.

"You are a Very Good Mom"

"Do you do the dishes every single night?" This was about the fifth time I had asked that question to different mom's that I know.

"Yes, I do. I just can't stand to think that there are dishes in my sink," another one replied.

"Wow! Well I could care less if there are dishes in my sink. They will be there tomorrow for me to do," I replied.

This was the response that came out of my mouth but in my head, I once again was laying on the "Mommy Guilt." Subconsciously, I was telling myself, "Your kids deserve better, Kim. They deserve a house with a clean sink. You are a Lazy Mom.

Now doesn't that sound ridiculous to you?! It does to me, but that's exactly what I thought.

A few days later and I was scrolling through Facebook when suddenly I slowed my scroll to a crawl. "Hmmmmm. Another awesome mother who knows how to do art with her child. I am such a Bad Mom. How come I never think of art projects for the kids to do? It must be because I'm too busy vacuuming or blogging. Wait! Then that must mean I'm a Neglectful Mom. You should spend every single waking minute entertaining your kids!"

Sounds ridiculous again, right? But that's what I thought. I was crucifying myself.

And the thoughts just keep pouring in...

You "should" be a Pre-K Homeschooling Mom. Your kids will be dumb when they enter Kindergarten and then everyone will think you're an Uncaring Mom. So what do I do? I run to Barnes and Noble and buy a Pre-K Learning Book. Baby Girl and I were going to sit down together and learn all our A,B,C's shapes, and colors before Kindergarten...and in one week too!  I tried that with her...guess what happened? Five minutes in, she'd circled all the orange pumpkins and now was scribbling over the entire page!

"No, Baby Girl. This is school. We need to do as many pages as we can without scribbling all over them," I told her.

"How utterly ridiculous," I thought. I should let her scribble over anything she wants to...she's only three for crying out loud! In the end, I let her scribble until her little fingers were done scribbling and summed it up to, "I'm just not a patient, organized mom."

Really? You're probably thinking. Yes, really (shaking my head).

So if it couldn't get any worse, I have one more story to tell you. We were standing at the door, putting our shoes on.  My mother's helper was about to leave and we were about to head out the door too. Baby Girl hands my Mother's Helper the check and says, "Here. This is daddy's money. Thanks for coming to help us."

I swear my heart jumped into my throat, blocking it off, making me speechless. Finally, I found my words and said, "Baby Girl, mommy and daddy share the money. I may not work outside the home but I work here. So that's partly my money too."

The answer sounded very educated and reasonable. But I wasn't thinking that in my head. I was really thinking, "You should go to work outside the home! Then Baby Girl will think that you work for money too. You need to teach her that women are valuable assets to society. You suck at being a "Stay at Home Mom."

Now, I know what all of my Readers are thinking right now. But all I need to say first hand is, "Don't Judge. You have also been there in some form or another. Comparing yourself to others. It's a dreaded evil that overtakes us all at times...unless you're Narcissistic. But that's a whole other conversation"

But here's the beautiful ending to such a horrible blog...

Date Night with My Love

The kids have been away at their grandparents this weekend. This was the first weekend The Hubs and I have spent at our house alone in three years. The first day was heaven. I've done endless amounts of cleaning (yes, I have a clean sink). I timed vacuuming the upstairs-only 15 minutes. And I steamed all the bathroom floors. My house is sparkling...Mr.Clean would be impressed.

Satisfying Baby #3's craving for Asian Food.

And I've taken care of myself. I had a gift card to a spa, so I got a facial. The lady scrubbed away dead skin and put the Rose Essential Oil on my face. Heaven. Then I ate lunch by myself...it was so peaceful. No noise, nobody else to feed, just me enjoying time by myself. That evening The Hubs and I went to the fireworks on Brown's Island. It was great and all...but the whole time I kept staring at the little kids wishing mine were there with me to see these beautiful fireworks.

Today, I'm home sitting in a super clean house- and a weirdly quiet one too, I might add. I miss them. I miss being a mom. I can't believe I'm saying this but I want them home...to basically wrestle with a wiggly alligator boy as I "try" to change his diaper, to watch Baby Girl scribble all over her Learning Book and watch her smile when she circles all the orange pumpkins correctly. I miss making their chocolate milk and chopping up their grapes for lunch. Yes, it's only been four days but in these four days, God has forced me to realize something...

Fireworks at Brown's Island

I may not be Pine Sol Mom, or Artsy Fartsy Mom, or even Teaching My Kid to be a Prodigy Mom but I am a very good Stay at Home Mom. I love my kids unconditionally. I'm raising them to be kind, brave and strong people. I'm teaching them how to politely treat others on our endless amounts of playdates. They are never neglected or alone because I will always be there to say, "Here's some chocolate milk. Want to sit on my lap and watch Rolie Polie Olie?" My kitchen sink may be loaded with dishes by nightfall but you can bet your bottom dollar, I'm upstairs telling Baby Girl a made up story about a bear that swipes an apple pie off a window sill or watching Baby Boy smile as he points and touches everything on the animal book we're reading.

This is what I've learned in four kid-free days...

1) The laundry will always be 10 loads behind

2) The sink will always have dinner dishes piled up at night

3) My floors will be always be referred to as "Perpetual Smushed Banana Land."

4) The dirt will ALWAYS BE THERE.

But...

1) My kids will always have clean clothes to wear.

2) My kids will always have healthy food to fill their bellies.

3) My kids will always know how much I love them...how much they take priority in my life.

4) My kids will be gone one day. I'll be left with a super clean, quiet house and a lonely heart.  So I'm

 going to enjoy the littleness as long as I can and keep telling myself, "You are a Very Good Mom."

 

 



16 Weeks with Baby #3



 

He looks so content here...reminds me of my Papow Homer.

 

She came home to a new swing for her playset :)

 

Cooking Dinner.

 

Warning: You May Be Drinking Poison

 

The first time I heard the phrase, "Being unwilling to forgive is like drinking poison...and waiting for the other person to die,"  I thought, "Yes! That's exactly right. We "should" be willing to forgive." I put "should" in quotation marks because I try to refrain from using such black and white words...should have, could have, would have. If you're unable to succeed, it makes you feel like a failure. Nevertheless, in this case, it is very important for us to put on humility and forgive others.

 

However, I believe it's one of the hardest things for the human race to do-especially for me. Maybe it's because we feel like we need justice when wronged. But after justice has been served, you're still left with that empty feeling of negativity. Justice will never fully be served until we reach the gates of Heaven. Peace will never fully be attained until we meet Jesus face to face.

The question I always seem to struggle with is, "How am I supposed to forgive when I've been wronged?" And to be totally honest with you, I don't have an answer. Nada-nothing! I think that deep down we all struggle with letting go. The hardest part of all  is letting go when someone wrongs you. For some reason, it just seems to fester like an old wound. And we pick it and pick it and then it hurts even more...but we never let it fully heal.

 

Lately, I've been trying to teach Baby Girl about being sorry for her actions. I'd say, "Now tell your brother that you're sorry and ask him to forgive you." That last part...yah she'd just stare at me...like "Forgiveness-what's that mean?" And I really couldn't put into words what forgiveness means to a three year old much less to me.

 

Until one day The Hubs and I got into a disagreement in front of the kids. After we cooled down, we sat on the couch with Baby Girl in between us and said, "Baby Girl, momma is so sorry for fighting with daddy. It doesn't mean we don't love each other, it just means we aren't agreeing on something. Daddy will you forgive me?" And then The Hubs chimed in, "Yes. Baby Girl, sometimes mommy's and daddy's fight but we still love you and your brother very much. Momma will you forgive me?"

 

And that's when Baby Girl said what was really on her mind, "Can I...Can I watch Henry the Huggle Monster now?"

 

And in my head I thought, "Great, well that conversation went completely over her head. At least she's not still thinking about our fight."

 

Days passed and I had forgotten about our conversation with her. One morning she wasn't particularly nice to me, so I made her sit in time out. When it was time for her to get up she came to the kitchen where I was doing dishes and said, "Momma will you forgive me?" I swear, I was completely STUNNED! She knew what it meant.

 

"Of course, I'll forgive you Baby Girl. Thank you for saying that."

 

And the forgiveness came so quick-straight from my heart. I suppose all she needed was to see forgiveness modeled.

 

So my big question I'm struggling with lately is, "How do I get that forgiveness to come straight from my heart for other people? How do I get passed the feeling of wanting them to be sorry for their actions and just forgiven ANYWAY?" I've been reading some Bible verses lately, trying to get some divine inspiration and this is what came to me...

Psalm 103:12 

"as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

 

Matthew 6:14-15

"If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins."

 

 

Lord, I realize I am human and make so many mistakes and think so many angry things. I ask that you forgive me. Take away my anger and help me to leave justice to you. Give me peace when wronged and help me to release control when I want so badly to get justice by myself. Thank you for forgiving me and showing me mercy and grace all the days of my life~AMEN