A Momma’s Muse: "You are a Very Good Mom"

"Do you do the dishes every single night?" This was about the fifth time I had asked that question to different mom's that I know.

"Yes, I do. I just can't stand to think that there are dishes in my sink," another one replied.

"Wow! Well I could care less if there are dishes in my sink. They will be there tomorrow for me to do," I replied.

This was the response that came out of my mouth but in my head, I once again was laying on the "Mommy Guilt." Subconsciously, I was telling myself, "Your kids deserve better, Kim. They deserve a house with a clean sink. You are a Lazy Mom.

Now doesn't that sound ridiculous to you?! It does to me, but that's exactly what I thought.

A few days later and I was scrolling through Facebook when suddenly I slowed my scroll to a crawl. "Hmmmmm. Another awesome mother who knows how to do art with her child. I am such a Bad Mom. How come I never think of art projects for the kids to do? It must be because I'm too busy vacuuming or blogging. Wait! Then that must mean I'm a Neglectful Mom. You should spend every single waking minute entertaining your kids!"

Sounds ridiculous again, right? But that's what I thought. I was crucifying myself.

And the thoughts just keep pouring in...

You "should" be a Pre-K Homeschooling Mom. Your kids will be dumb when they enter Kindergarten and then everyone will think you're an Uncaring Mom. So what do I do? I run to Barnes and Noble and buy a Pre-K Learning Book. Baby Girl and I were going to sit down together and learn all our A,B,C's shapes, and colors before Kindergarten...and in one week too! I tried that with her...guess what happened? Five minutes in, she'd circled all the orange pumpkins and now was scribbling over the entire page!

"No, Baby Girl. This is school. We need to do as many pages as we can without scribbling all over them," I told her.

"How utterly ridiculous," I thought. I should let her scribble over anything she wants to...she's only three for crying out loud! In the end, I let her scribble until her little fingers were done scribbling and summed it up to, "I'm just not a patient, organized mom."

Really? You're probably thinking. Yes, really (shaking my head).

So if it couldn't get any worse, I have one more story to tell you. We were standing at the door, putting our shoes on. My mother's helper was about to leave and we were about to head out the door too. Baby Girl hands my Mother's Helper the check and says, "Here. This is daddy's money. Thanks for coming to help us."

I swear my heart jumped into my throat, blocking it off, making me speechless. Finally, I found my words and said, "Baby Girl, mommy and daddy share the money. I may not work outside the home but I work here. So that's partly my money too."

The answer sounded very educated and reasonable. But I wasn't thinking that in my head. I was really thinking, "You should go to work outside the home! Then Baby Girl will think that you work for money too. You need to teach her that women are valuable assets to society. You suck at being a "Stay at Home Mom."

Now, I know what all of my Readers are thinking right now. But all I need to say first hand is, "Don't Judge. You have also been there in some form or another. Comparing yourself to others. It's a dreaded evil that overtakes us all at times...unless you're Narcissistic. But that's a whole other conversation"

But here's the beautiful ending to such a horrible blog...

Date Night with My Love

The kids have been away at their grandparents this weekend. This was the first weekend The Hubs and I have spent at our house alone in three years. The first day was heaven. I've done endless amounts of cleaning (yes, I have a clean sink). I timed vacuuming the upstairs-only 15 minutes. And I steamed all the bathroom floors. My house is sparkling...Mr.Clean would be impressed.

Satisfying Baby #3's craving for Asian Food.

And I've taken care of myself. I had a gift card to a spa, so I got a facial. The lady scrubbed away dead skin and put the Rose Essential Oil on my face. Heaven. Then I ate lunch by myself...it was so peaceful. No noise, nobody else to feed, just me enjoying time by myself. That evening The Hubs and I went to the fireworks on Brown's Island. It was great and all...but the whole time I kept staring at the little kids wishing mine were there with me to see these beautiful fireworks.

Today, I'm home sitting in a super clean house- and a weirdly quiet one too, I might add. I miss them. I miss being a mom. I can't believe I'm saying this but I want them home...to basically wrestle with a wiggly alligator boy as I "try" to change his diaper, to watch Baby Girl scribble all over her Learning Book and watch her smile when she circles all the orange pumpkins correctly. I miss making their chocolate milk and chopping up their grapes for lunch. Yes, it's only been four days but in these four days, God has forced me to realize something...

Fireworks at Brown's Island

I may not be Pine Sol Mom, or Artsy Fartsy Mom, or even Teaching My Kid to be a Prodigy Mom but I am a very good Stay at Home Mom. I love my kids unconditionally. I'm raising them to be kind, brave and strong people. I'm teaching them how to politely treat others on our endless amounts of playdates. They are never neglected or alone because I will always be there to say, "Here's some chocolate milk. Want to sit on my lap and watch Rolie Polie Olie?" My kitchen sink may be loaded with dishes by nightfall but you can bet your bottom dollar, I'm upstairs telling Baby Girl a made up story about a bear that swipes an apple pie off a window sill or watching Baby Boy smile as he points and touches everything on the animal book we're reading.

This is what I've learned in four kid-free days...

1) The laundry will always be 10 loads behind

2) The sink will always have dinner dishes piled up at night

3) My floors will be always be referred to as "Perpetual Smushed Banana Land."

4) The dirt will ALWAYS BE THERE.

But...

1) My kids will always have clean clothes to wear.

2) My kids will always have healthy food to fill their bellies.

3) My kids will always know how much I love them...how much they take priority in my life.

4) My kids will be gone one day. I'll be left with a super clean, quiet house and a lonely heart. So I'm

going to enjoy the littleness as long as I can and keep telling myself, "You are a Very Good Mom."