Falling in Love for the Second Time

I've been wanting to write a blog about my husband and I's relationship for a long time. But for whatever reason, something kept holding me back. I don't know what it was, but I just couldn't put into words everything I was thinking. Severe writer's block had set in. Lately, I just keep hearing in my head, "Be honest with them but make sure to protect your relationship." So here goes. I'm giving you an invitation to be a fly on our wall.

Dale, also referred to as The Hubs :) was my high school sweetheart. We met when I was only 15 years old. Looking back on that I can't get over how young I was. My parents must have had a heart attack when I told them I "liked" a boy and wanted to go on a date. But I think they handled the situation perfectly well. House dates at 15 (God knew how much I hated that-but now I know I'll do the same with my own children). The first time he came to my house for dinner my heart was beating out of my chest. My head was so "in the clouds." (That's my phrase for being in love). But I can remember spending time getting ready and wanting to look just perfect for this perfect guy. He had it all...musically talented, enjoyed running, Christian faith and the biggest...respect for me. Three months into our relationship he asked me two important questions: 1) "Will you wear my class ring?" and 2) "Can I kiss you?" I had never experienced that kind of respect before...giving me the power to say yes or no to a kiss. I knew then that he was The One. 

We dated throughout high school. When I was 16 years old, my parents let me take my sister along on dates. Thanks Vannah.  She was our chaperone. And by 17, I got to go on the coveted alone date. Sometimes, we'd go to a movie and on occasion drive up to the Roanoke Star. But for the most part, we spent a lot of time walking together and talking. After his Senior year and my Junior Year, he went away to college in North Carolina. We had talked about breaking up, worried that the distance would be too much for us. But we never did, instead opting to send hundreds of letters to each other. Our communication was getting stronger. By the time it was my turn to pick a college, I wanted to follow him. But my mom said that she wanted me to become my own woman and go to my own college. It was hard to know I wouldn't be spending every day with him again but looking back she was right. We spent what felt like four years on the phone and AIM :) But every two weeks he would drive in to see me and on occasion, I'd go see him. When the weekend was over and we'd have to say goodbye my heart which used to pitter patter would break. I thought that was the hardest part of our relationship. But I knew one day I'd get to be with him every single day. 

When I was 20, he took me on a day trip to The Biltmore Mansion. I was so excited to see this elaborate mansion but instead he wanted to go see the Bass Pond on the property.

"Okay? The Bass Pond..." 

It seemed like a wretched idea to me but I agreed and followed him through the woods to a floating gazebo on a small pond. It was still early morning and the fog was hovering over the water. We walked into the gazebo and he got down on one knee and popped open a beautiful blue box. Inside was The Ring and he said, "Kim, will you marry me? 

"Yes!" I said smiling from ear to ear. Forgetting about the ring, I hugged him tightly. 

He hugged me back and smiling said, "Be careful of the ring." Mistakingly, we had hugged so close to the edge of the gazebo that his hand (which was holding the ring) was now dangling overtop the water.

We pulled away quickly and he slipped the ring on my finger. It was the best day of my life.

Two years later and I was standing at the back of the church double doors holding each parents arm as they both walked me down the aisle. Five thousand rose petals covered the floor and candelabras lit the way. But the only thing I focused on was him.

There he was! My prince, the love of my life smiling again from ear to ear. We recited our handwritten vows to one another, both shedding a few tears of relief that we could finally spend the rest of our lives together. 

"And may I present Mr. and Mrs. St.Clair," the preacher said.

Oh what beautiful words to hear. I was his and he was mine.

That day we thought all our troubles would be over. We were together and that's all that mattered. In the years to come, we survived on my Christian School teaching salary alone as he finished his doctorate. We also weathered through a misdiagnosis of cancer and infertility. But we still had each other. 

In the present, we are surviving through the young years of our children. Could this be the toughest thing we've faced yet? This statement is not to be misconstrued with ungratefulness  for the Lord's tiny blessings. But to say that everyone goes through it and these little blessings require a lot of our love and attention. It's very important for us not to get disconnected from one another. Not to lose sight of our original love. In January, I joined a Marriage Bible Study and learned a lot about compromise and respect for my husband. I'd like to share what I've learned with you.

1) Compromise on everything. Stop the nagging. If his pile of dirty clothes by the bed bothers you, put a hamper by his bedside. If her constant ability to lose keys bothers you, make her a place to put her keys :)

2) Respect your man. This has been the hardest of all for me. But I'm learning that most men desire to feel in charge and be the CEO of their family. Respect his decisions because ultimately he feels a strong desire to take care of his family.

3)Desire and Date Nights. You say you don't have the desire...then compromise and go on a date to remind you of your original love. Hold hands, hug and show him that you desire him. The rest will follow through.

4) Don't say the D word. I have to admit, "I've said it and regret it." Just don't do it.

5) Committment. Determine how committed you are to the marriage. Margie Sims, a wonderful lady in my Bible Study said,"It's not how committed you are to God or your faith. It's how committed you are to your marriage."

6) Weather the Storm. Most people find that after the hard times or the crisis, it's always better on the other side. Wait it out. It will improve.

7) No Negativity. Don't get caught up in sharing too much negativity with your girlfriends. In the end, it only makes them hate your husband while you're still trying to find a way to love him.

8) Team Effort. When it comes to raising kids, make sure you're on the same page. Dont get caught up in the bad cop/good cop complex. Don't forget that in your family you two are a team and need to side with each other. 

9) Pray. If your marriage is too far gone to know what to pray for, God will hear your groanings. Just talk to Him. Be specific if you want to see change.

10) Remember how you fell in love the first time. Remember feelings, the dates, the question, the kisses. Remember how you loved him when it was just the two of you.

My husband, my love, my one and only. We've shared hard times and great times together. Since January, I've been applying these concepts to my own life, and I'm falling In love with him all over again. I'm trying to respect him (although messing up a lot) and he's noticing the respect. He's taking me on dates and holding my hand. Yesterday, he told me I was drop dead gorgeous (to a 20 week pregnant lady with two kids already, I literally melted right there in front of him). I show him I desire him and he helps me wash the dishes (lol-this is sexy to a woman). We are falling in love again. And I have to say, the second time is even sweeter than falling in love the first time.

Wishing You Wisdom, Patience and Love in Your Marriage,

 Kim

 High School Days

Campbell University Musical Performance

"Who gives this woman to be married to this man?"

"Her mother and I do."

The Kiss

Our FirstApartment 

Our First House

Lovers' Leap 

Date Day to Donald Trump Winery 

Spontaneous Couple's Trip to the Carribean

2014 Beach Trip-pregnant with third blessing

14 Years Together. Falling in Love All Over Again