Warning: You May Be Drinking Poison

 

The first time I heard the phrase, "Being unwilling to forgive is like drinking poison...and waiting for the other person to die,"  I thought, "Yes! That's exactly right. We "should" be willing to forgive." I put "should" in quotation marks because I try to refrain from using such black and white words...should have, could have, would have. If you're unable to succeed, it makes you feel like a failure. Nevertheless, in this case, it is very important for us to put on humility and forgive others.

 

However, I believe it's one of the hardest things for the human race to do-especially for me. Maybe it's because we feel like we need justice when wronged. But after justice has been served, you're still left with that empty feeling of negativity. Justice will never fully be served until we reach the gates of Heaven. Peace will never fully be attained until we meet Jesus face to face.

The question I always seem to struggle with is, "How am I supposed to forgive when I've been wronged?" And to be totally honest with you, I don't have an answer. Nada-nothing! I think that deep down we all struggle with letting go. The hardest part of all  is letting go when someone wrongs you. For some reason, it just seems to fester like an old wound. And we pick it and pick it and then it hurts even more...but we never let it fully heal.

 

Lately, I've been trying to teach Baby Girl about being sorry for her actions. I'd say, "Now tell your brother that you're sorry and ask him to forgive you." That last part...yah she'd just stare at me...like "Forgiveness-what's that mean?" And I really couldn't put into words what forgiveness means to a three year old much less to me.

 

Until one day The Hubs and I got into a disagreement in front of the kids. After we cooled down, we sat on the couch with Baby Girl in between us and said, "Baby Girl, momma is so sorry for fighting with daddy. It doesn't mean we don't love each other, it just means we aren't agreeing on something. Daddy will you forgive me?" And then The Hubs chimed in, "Yes. Baby Girl, sometimes mommy's and daddy's fight but we still love you and your brother very much. Momma will you forgive me?"

 

And that's when Baby Girl said what was really on her mind, "Can I...Can I watch Henry the Huggle Monster now?"

 

And in my head I thought, "Great, well that conversation went completely over her head. At least she's not still thinking about our fight."

 

Days passed and I had forgotten about our conversation with her. One morning she wasn't particularly nice to me, so I made her sit in time out. When it was time for her to get up she came to the kitchen where I was doing dishes and said, "Momma will you forgive me?" I swear, I was completely STUNNED! She knew what it meant.

 

"Of course, I'll forgive you Baby Girl. Thank you for saying that."

 

And the forgiveness came so quick-straight from my heart. I suppose all she needed was to see forgiveness modeled.

 

So my big question I'm struggling with lately is, "How do I get that forgiveness to come straight from my heart for other people? How do I get passed the feeling of wanting them to be sorry for their actions and just forgiven ANYWAY?" I've been reading some Bible verses lately, trying to get some divine inspiration and this is what came to me...

Psalm 103:12 

"as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us."

 

Matthew 6:14-15

"If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. ¹⁵ But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins."

 

 

Lord, I realize I am human and make so many mistakes and think so many angry things. I ask that you forgive me. Take away my anger and help me to leave justice to you. Give me peace when wronged and help me to release control when I want so badly to get justice by myself. Thank you for forgiving me and showing me mercy and grace all the days of my life~AMEN