My Dear Sweet Boy

I hopped up from the couch and grabbed my son. I could tell he was tired by the way he kept wobbling around.  It was time for our nightly routine to begin.

"Say Night Night," I told him.

He lifted his whole arm, stretched our all five fingers and turned his hand side to side. "Nigh Nigh," he said with his big toothy grin.

Lately, he's talking so much and is so proud of himself. We both praise him and I rub his head in a "good job" fashion.

Baby Boy and I walked upstairs and put his pj's on. Then we got out his favorite book about fire trucks. He laughed at the pictures and stuck his tiny finger out to touch the fire truck wheels. I marveled at his boyness and wondered why The Lord saw it fit to make me the mother of a boy.  Me? I'm the most girly girl you can get. I cry easily, don't participate in sports and really enjoy pretty things. How can I be a good mother to my fire truck loving, rough and tumbling boy? 

We finished the book and I got up to to turn off the lights. Grabbing the fleece monster blanket I had made him, I wrapped him up snuggly and laid him on my chest. I noticed his toes were sticking out from beneath the blanket and my heart saddened a little at the thought of him growing up. We said our prayer which was short because Baby Boy would rather fall asleep then talk anymore.

"As I lay me down to sleep..."

His eyes grew heavy but didn't close so I said a prayer over him as my hand rubbed his head back and forth.

"Lord, help Baby Boy to grow up loving You. Make him a God fearing man. Make him brave and strong and smart. And God please help him always know how much his mother loves him, even when our new baby comes into our lives. Amen."

I gently laid him down in his crib and covered him up with a second blanket. I laid his truck book beside him and he propped himself up to look at the pictures. 

 

I softly sing him his song. A made up version of Emmylou Harris, Gillian Welch and Alison Krauss's song,  "Go To Sleep You Little Baby."

"Go to sleep little baby.

Go to sleep little baby.

Momma loves you so and

Your Daddy does too, 

We'll always love you baby."

He looks up at me with those soft gray blue eyes and I know he's okay with me leaving. I think about how in a few short months, he'll no longer be my baby but my second born. And I worry so much that he will feel slighted knowing that another baby has taken the baby roll. 

I gently close the door and exhale softly.

My Dear Sweet Boy,

 

You came into our lives 15 months ago. I wondered how I could be a good mother to two of you. But when you were born, instant love surrounded me as I laid your head on my chest. You are my son, my second born, my wild child. You keep me on my toes and never let me sit  down but I wouldn't want it any other way. I love watching you play with box cars and go,"Broom Brooom," as you roll them across the floor. I love how fearless you are. I love how when you are most tired, you lift your tiny arms up and lay them around my neck with your head on my chest. I love how when you fall, you need your momma the most. I love folding your newly washed clothes and smelling you all over them. My dear sweet boy...always know that I loved you first and go easy on your momma when I hold tightly to you. It's hard to see you grow up. The new baby is coming but just like with Baby Girl, there is more room in my heart for all of you. I promise to rub your head, read you truck books and comfort you when you fall. My Dear Sweet Boy...